• Walking away isn't easy, because the choice can only be made once. I shuddered as the thought crossed my mind. I felt the bile inching up my esophagus.

    I'm trying to replay the events of this morning but it all felt like a big headache to me. Its much easier to forget and even easier to pretend like you have control. The truth was I forgot myself the minute I handed the reins to him. I admitted myself to him. Showed him my secrets, and I gave him the power trip he so craved. "Oh yes baby, you can be a politician, and I'll be your spokesperson. Yes baby, you have more within you then you give yourself credit for. And yes baby, I know you can do it." All the motivation for nothing. I gave the praise, boosted his ego, and ousted mine. What the hell was I thinking? I should have let him crash and burn his own failed ideals.

    Why did I not save any ego for myself? One simple reason, which of course is my love for this twisted man. My dillusion from the beginning which is only revealing itself when it is too late. My intuition is excellent and it tells me I am too far gone. Maybe I have always been this sick. At least I didn't believe it then.

    I should have known he was all too perfect. Not the classic buff Ken look, but instead a fragile pretty boy. My poison has very fine light blond hair that wisps down to the nap of his neck. He has icy blue eyes complete with penetration ability. He has european features and an adam's apple. I should have known the minute I laid eyes on him he was a heartbreak waiting to happen.

    The night we met was a night dripping with the insane fantasies of any high school girl. I had daringly agreed (without mother's permission, might I add) to allow him to pick me up from school. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I had met him only a week before off the internet, and he was 20 and I was 17. I knew he went to college and had a job and from his pictures was a clean shaven respectable guy. What a surprise I was in for.

    I exited the main doors with a sense of excitement that day. As I stepped outside, I noticed the green Kia I was looking for. I approached and he opened up the door from the inside. He didnt look like he did in his pictures. His hair had gotten longer and more wild, he looked older and had a very thick red-blond beard. I sat down thinking he kind of looked like a pediphile. I was blushing, and I liked it. His eyes were intoxicating, and I had an attraction for him that was heating me from the inside. We paused at a stoplight and he leaned to caress my face. The heat was rolling off him in waves, only to be measured along with his breathing. I could tell he was desiring me. He then captured my lips in our first kiss, one he never asked for. I felt like I was on fire.

    The night that ensued was far more entertaining, but this is not an erotica novel. This is my testimony.

    Nevertheless, the point is that I found the first man who was physically and mentally my type. The lovemaking was superb; he opened me up like a lotus flower, and he bedazzled me with the storehouse of information that was his fantastic Gemini brain. However, I found out the truth...

    He had another side. A dark side that craved perfection and organization. A side that was constantly jealous and wary of any other man who showed me interest. This side took his anger and frustrations physically and mentally on me. But not anymore. All the sexual innuendos are gone. The accusations are gone. The beatings are done, and the crying. The love is not gone. It drips through my veins like liquid morphine, silences the spirit within and prepares me for the hate ahead. I will be ready. So do what you will. I'm already quite dead, and this is my testimony your Honor.