• Chapter Sixteen

    Otaku

    I quickly learned that mealtimes were nonexistent in the Task Force Building. It seemed no one noticed (or cared, mind you) if they completely missed whatever take-out Matsuda ordered, and if they did happen to eat, they didn’t notice that they were until it was half gone. They weren’t eating out of hunger, I realized. They were eating out of habit. But, what did I really expect? That every evening at six-thirty, Chief Yagami would stop the entire investigation and say ‘Oh, look, it’s time to take the casserole out of the oven,’? No, this was serious stuff. There was no time for meals or food.

    And, of course, being the one who doesn’t really pay a whole lot of attention, I missed a lot of meals. Everyone was obviously so busy, I didn’t want to disturb them over the pizza they had just barely finished. I figured no one noticed when I went without a meal, but when I did miss the food, L would look away from his table for a veerrrrrrrry long time, giving me an opportunity to snatch some of his sweets unnoticed. I am eternally grateful.

    It was on a day that I missed Matsuda’s Chinese take-out and was scarfing down some of L’s cake that Hattie remembered.

    “Oh holy crap!!” she cried, slapping her hand on her forehead and laughing at herself. “Otaku, your birthday is in a week!!” I glanced up from the couch.

    “Really?” I thought for a second, trying to remember what day it was. “Well, what do you know, it is!!! I haven’t really been keeping track, with all that’s gone on!!” L looked over.

    “How old will you be turning, Otaku-san?” he asked. “I will be fifteen!!” I responded with a big smile, then thrusting my hand out into the air, all five fingers spread out to illustrate my point. “In five days!!”

    “Oh, how fun, Otaku-chan!” Matsuda gushed. “Will you be having a big party?” he asked. I stopped a second to think, then shook my head.

    “What! Why not?!” Matsuda responded demandingly, sounding dejected. “There isn’t time to plan one,” I said. “But that would be fun, huh!!” I added cheerily. Suddenly, Matsuda and eL exchanged a quick glance that they probably assumed I missed, but I caught the mischievous glint in their eyes. This would either end very badly, or with cake.

    It ended with cake, I can tell you that much. For the next five days, whenever I passed eL or Matsuda in the hall or caught their eyes, they would begin giggling a little or would smile as though they were suppressing laughs. Or they were hiding a secret. I just knew it had something to do with my birthday, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions too fast. Maybe they just stuck a ‘kick me’ sign on my back or something. I began searching closets and drawers for hidden presents or half-used wrapping paper. Anything that would expose the secret they were keeping. I couldn’t take the suspense!!!

    I was passing the hall to the kitchen when I heard them. Hattie and L.

    “It’s going to be so fun, please don’t tell her!!!”

    “…Alright, I won’t tell her. But she’s catching on. You and Matsuda can only keep it secret for so long. And Matsuda isn’t good at keeping secrets,” I heard L warn.

    “I know, I know. But, erm… I was thinking… we were going to bring… both yours and Otaku’s birthdays together. You know, so we don’t have to have TWO in one month, I mean, your birthdays are only a little over a week apart!!! … and it would make Otaku happy!!” I heard the shock in L’s voice as he responded.

    “I’m fine with you having a party for Otaku, but do you have to bring me into this, too? I’d be perfectly content if everyone would simply forget my birthday. It would be much easier. Besides, I can only see it turning into a painful experience with my birthday involved,” I gasped loudly, then clapped a hand over my open mouth, hoping they wouldn’t know I was eavesdropping. So they WERE having a surprise party!!! And, L, FORGETTING HIS BIRTHDAY!!! He must be a feeling little insane!!! I’d never just FORGET his birthday!!!

    “What do you mean, ‘forget your birthday’!!! Certainly by now you know that with Otaku here, you’d be having a party anyways!!! Even if you begged her not to, she would make a big deal out of your birthday!!!” Ha!! She totally read my mind!! L hesitated, then gave in.

    “You’re right. She would. But, when you plan the party, try to make HER the center of attention. Not me,” Hattie laughed.

    “Alright, don’t worry!! Heaven forbid we celebrate your birthday!!” she added sarcastically. I heard her start for the door I stood behind and turned to bolt. Then I heard L stop her.

    “Er… if it’s not too much trouble… could you have a strawberry cake there?” eL laughed.

    “Of course, it’s no trouble at all!!! And, it IS your birthday!!” Smiling, I slipped away from the door. Now that I knew what they were up to, I was now in on the secret!! No more killer suspense!!

    Suddenly, I stopped as I remembered something. L’s cake. A sly, mischievous grin stole on my face and I headed for the kitchen. I had almost completely forgotten about this little war! Don’t get me wrong, I had been searching, but without luck, and I had practically given up. L probably assumed he had already won. ‘Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we!?!’ I thought confidently.

    ‘Wait’ I thought. ‘He wouldn’t be thoughtless enough to hide his special, unreachable cake just in the kitchen!!! He knows this is the first place I would look, so he hid it somewhere else!! Definitely!! But… where should I look OTHER than the kitchen…’ I chewed on my lip, undecided, looking back and forth down the hallway. The kitchen or… or where else?! I racked my brain.

    “If I were L and I was hiding a cake, where would I hide it…” I muttered to myself. I would hide a cake in my bedroom if not the kitchen (I know, crazy!!), but I didn’t know where L’s bedroom was and I CERTAINLY wasn’t going to go uprooting his room with the excuse that I was looking for a cake. So, that was out of the question. Hmm…

    I heard Light’s footsteps turning the corner before I saw him. He looked up and noticed me. A laughing, mischievous smile flitted across his face. He was MOCKING me?! (Or maybe I really DID have a 'kick me' sign on myback...?) A muffled chuckle escaped his lips and he stared at me, walking down the corridor. A hand was cupped over his mouth, blocking the most of his laughter, but his eyes were still trained on me in a mocking manner. I squeezed my hands into fists and glared right back at him as more giggles reached my ears from behind his hands.

    “What?!?!” I demanded harshly. Light shook his head frantically, telling me through his laughter that he wasn’t talking. “What IS it?!?!” Still no sufficient reply from the giggling Light across the room from me. He stopped briefly and looked me up and down.

    “L… he… oh, that is SOO funny!!! Priceless!!! Absolutely priceless!!!” Finally a response, but this wasn’t good enough.

    “L what, exactly?” I spat, irritated. “Why are you laughing? What’s priceless?!” Light still just shook his head. He caught a hold of himself long enough to speak in short, intelligible phrases. Still not good enough.

    “I-I’m not telling!! I want to see how this all works out!!” he cried, giddy with excitement. I clenched my teeth. I knew, though I could put all my strength behind a hit, it wouldn’t really hurt him that much… maybe I should go get eL to take him out. A smile passed my lips as I thought of the dark rooms in movies where they shine a light in somebody’s eyes until they tell them whatever they want to hear. We could put Light there!!

    “If you don’t tell me, I’ll get eL to come beat you up. In fact, I’ll get both Ls!!! Put together, the both of THEM could knock you unconscious and ship you off to China if you don’t tell me!!” I threatened. I had the sneaking suspicion that L and eL wouldn’t REALLY ship Light off to China, even if I begged them on my hands and knees. Who knew what havoc Light could create THERE?!?! He would get to thinking the population was too large or something stupid like that and start killing off INNOCENT people!! I wouldn’t put it past him. Light rolled his eyes.

    “Empty threats, empty threats, Otaku,” he sighed and smiled knowingly at me. I growled, then did something I thought I’d never really have the guts to do.

    I sprang up towards Light, locking myself on his body once I collided with him. He gasped in shock and staggered backwards from the added weight thrown on his back, but, though he was shaky, managed to remain on his feet. I gripped his shoulders hard.

    “TELL ME!!!!” I shrieked.

    “NO!!!!” came the stubborn reply.

    “TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!” again.

    “NO!!!!!!” again, but longer. We fought like that for a while, me climbing on Light’s head and screaming, Light running around shakily and screaming. Eventually, we weren’t even waiting for the other to reply, just screaming and shouting on the top of our lungs. Light practically danced across the building, struggling to shake me off his shoulders, but I was holding on with all I had. There was no way he was going to get me off of him, unless he told me what happened with L and what he found so funny. But Light was stubborn, so I was, too. There was ABSOLUTELY no way he could get me to leave without what I wanted to know.

    * * * (eL’s POV)

    “What would Otaku like for her birthday?” L asked me. He was trying not to act too interested, I could tell, but he, for the first time in his life, wasn’t doing too good of a job. I used a spoon to slowly stir my hot chocolate. I paused, thinking.

    “Books,” I replied simply. “Lots of books, or jewelry. But, really, anything you get her would be welcome. She’d just be pleased that you thought of her,” I added. L nodded thoughtfully. He seemed to completely block out the whole ‘it’s the thought that counts’ stuff and was chewing fervently on his poor thumb nail.

    “Books…” he muttered, then turned his piercing gaze back up to me. “What kind of books?” I shrugged. I was trying to be vague on purpose. L needed to get her something that he thought up himself!!!

    “Er… horror, definitely… vampire books, like Twilight or the Vampire’s Assistant she really likes, but she owns all of those… Just really good books in general,” I offered up a weak smile, knowing this information was probably insufficient. The lost, hopeless look on L’s face told me I was right.

    “I guess I’d better go… get some books…” L muttered worriedly, a bit confused and dazed. I stood, and he followed me to the door. We were totally unprepared for the eye-opening scene outside the door.

    Light scrambled across the floor, passing the open door we stood at, frantically screaming and tugging at OTAKU, who was sitting on his shoulders, holding on for dear life, also wearing out her lungs on words I couldn’t understand. Light spun and twisted in a hectic effort to remove Otaku from his head, but she gripped his shoulders and pulled at his hair and they screamed as loud as they could, arguing on the top of their lungs. And then Light spun around a corner and their voices faded out and the hall returned to the silent corridor it was before… well… that. Both L and I just stood there, staring at empty, open space in horror. My eyes were practically stinging from watching that. L recovered first. He pushed in front of me to leave to where ever he had to be, muttering something about how this place just gets stranger and stranger. I could only agree with him.

    * * *

    Eventually, Light managed to shake me off of him. I hit the ground with a thud, the wind knocked out of me, but Light didn’t seem to notice my absence. He ran away just as fast, arms flailing helplessly, screaming like a lunatic. It would have been absolutely hilarious if I had the breath in me to laugh. Once I regained my breath, though, it WAS hilarious. I looked around to see I had fallen off of Light’s shoulders, coincidentally, in the same hallway that I had jumped on him. Well that got me absolutely nowhere. I stood, rubbing my sore backside spitefully, and tried to walk off the pain of being dropped from 6 feet, or probably more, to the ground. Would I continue to search for L’s cake? Duh!!! But, I still didn’t know where to start. ‘Maybe Hattie and her voices, sorry, voice, could help me,’ I thought laughingly. But, it wasn’t a half bad idea, actually. I headed for our bedroom, where eL would be sure to be writing or listening to her mp3, or something of the like.

    The quickest route to our bedroom from where I was went through the kitchen. ‘Perfect,’ I thought slyly and headed in that direction. In a passing corridor, I met L, who obviously wasn’t going anywhere. Upon seeing me, he smiled (briefly, mind you. This IS L we’re talking about here. In his happiest moments you’d be lucky to get a thumbs up) and began to follow me down the hallway. We didn’t really talk, just continued into the kitchen-

    -And found eL sitting with L’s half-eaten cake in her lap. I swear my jaw hit the ground. She smiled at us smugly and twirled the cake-covered fork in between her fingers.

    “Why hello, Ryuuzaki, Otaku. What a surprise!!” she grinned eyes sparkling mischievously, her voice dripping with false innocence. My eyes slid down to the plate in her lap. Only half the cake remained. How on earth could she have eaten a whole half a cake?!? And a better question yet, how had she FOUND the cake?!? As though reading my mind, Hattie turned to L and continued.

    “Really, Ryuuzaki, were you making it EASY for Otaku? Those iron locks were so simple! But I don’t think she would have EVER guessed it was hidden in a safe behind the wall.”

    “Iron LOCKS?!?!” I shrieked. “Behind THE WALL?!?! Who were you trying to keep out, me or the FBI?!?!?!” L shrugged guiltily.

    “I don’t like to lose. I didn’t want to take any chances,” he explained simply.

    “PAH!!!! Chances?!?!? That would have kept out an atomic bomb, how did you expect to give me ANY OUNCE of hope to find that thing!!! Cheating!!!! I DEMAND a rematch!!!” I cried, throwing my hands in the air and storming about the kitchen. I wasn’t really angry, I was just having fun, seeing how he would react.

    “Nope Otaku! No rematch!!” Hattie refused my demand in place of L. “I found the cake, fair and square!! In a war between Otaku and L, Hattie wins!!!” she laughed, obviously in a good mood. I ‘harrumphed’ her in mock anger. Suddenly, L’s cell phone rang. It was the typical ‘ring ring, ring ring’ phone ringtone, but it broke into Hattie’s laughter all the same. Looking a bit perplexed, L pulled the phone from his pocket by two fingers and flipped it open, holding it to his ear, the rest of his elbow jutting out awkwardly.

    “Moshi-moshi,” he answered, sounding a bit bored. And then the blank, empty expression was gone from his face, replaced by panic and shock.

    “Alright, I’ll hurry as fast as I can. Save a jet for four, I can pilot it,” Hattie and I exchanged worried, shocked glances. Jets? What was all THIS about? L snapped the phone shut, wasting no time cramming it into his pocket and turning to grab us and race from the room.

    “Come on,” he called to us. “I think we’ve caught Kira.”