• LOST SMILE.
    The First Piece.







    T    en forty-five. The wind seems to take away the letter with it. I glance past behind the only written address. It’s from Maia.

    She went her way five years ago and I lost contact of her.
    I had news her mother died years before that. She’s alone, Heidi. She may need our help.


    The words from the now crumpled letter kept on shouting on my head. She may need our help.

    Maia, why now? Why just now? My feet shook as I walk on. The wind stopped blowing this time. And the surrounding crowd took me back to reality. The train station was jam-packed with indifferent people—children, women and their husbands alike. I’ve never ridden a train before, but I won’t care if people stared at me annoyingly, I’m coming to find her… soon.

    “Miss, your ticket?” An old man handed me over a piece of paper and smiled as he walked away, “You won’t get into the train without it. Hold it better next time.”

    I never realized I dropped the ticket. I realize now it’s gonna be a long road to travel. I only had this letter to guide me on my way, and a couple of handful more to keep me company. I grabbed my bag, which was filled with only those old letters from an old lost friend, my wallet containing my couple of month’s paycheck, my faithful journal, a half-empty pen… and my—Oh, dear God! I left my phone on my pad! How could I ever—

    A smile involuntarily swept through my face. Maybe now, I won’t need a phone. I’m jobless. I’m far from home. I’m on a journey.

    “Ticket?” An old lady stretched out her hand and claimed the ticket I’m holding. So this is the way of using the train station. I realize I’ve never really travelled that far, apart from going home and back to the main town. I handed over the ticket and walked past her.

    “Where’s my seat?” I mumbled sheepishly.

    “Find your own, miss… I’m not ‘ere to get ya one,” was the reply I was given.

    I blushed more sheepishly and walked on briskly. There’s an empty seat at the far end of the train, just beside a half-open window.

    Just the right spot.

    People keep on piling up the old train, and the engine’s starting to roar off. I felt my heart thumped in fear, no—in anticipation. I’ll be on my way, at last, to reunite with a long lost friend I’ve slowly forgotten through these years.

    She may need our help.

    Why is that, it always haunts me? Those words, she may need our help. Why would she need my help? She never dared write or called, or even said her goodbye. I knew every bit of her, or so did I… but she never gave any sign that she’s leaving for good.

    I tucked Maia’s letter inside my bag, and pulled out the old letters I’ve scavenged from my younger years’ closet. Old memories. Just a nice read. I always missed her when I read her letters. So young and innocent, so filled with dreams and silly fantasies, now so lost and barely remembered.


    Hello there,

    You’re my partner, right? Sorry, if I have to ask this on writing. I’ve never really been good at speaking out with people. Our project’s gonna be due next week. We haven’t talked about our project together. Tell me—err, write me about your plan. Heidillena, right? Pretty name. How shall I call you? Lena? Heidi? Heidi’s better. Let me call you, Heidi, is that alright?

    I’m,
    Seraiah.
    Or better yet, call me Seiri.



    I caught myself smiling alone for the first time since I’ve left my apartment. How could this be that rereading her first letter to me would flash me back into that first time she approached me. In letters. Seraiah… her name’s much prettier than mine, Heidillena. How people at home bluntly called me Elena, but then on her first letter, I smiled. She called me by a different name, Heidi. A name that came from her. A name by which she called me. Heidi.

    We weren’t the best of friends when I spent the first moments of our friendship. She’s a new kid in the village. Just moved in with her mother. She has a queer surname, Cheng. Foreign. And weird girl she is.

    She was my lab partner on our Science class. There was really no lab. No experiment to pursue. Our daydreaming teacher wanted us in pairs for her lucrative project for our local public school. Since we’re thirty-one in the class, and I was the last on my teacher’s list. I was the last one called to be paired. And just at that start of my fourth grade class, she came. Our teacher introduced her as someone new from the town, a transferee. We’re on fourth grade, she is, too. why on earth would she transfer to a different school on a different town to try a different life? I can’t understand things like these before when I was on my young age. And back then, if I don’t understand, I never give a care.

    Our teacher put her on the front row, so she could catch up more on our lectures. I was at the last, alphabetically speaking, and also happily because I want it that way. Far from center stage.

    “Miss Heidillena Vera,” That was when my teacher called my attention. Goodness, why did she have to shout my complete name out loud. That always gives me the creeps. “You’re paired with Miss Cheng. Help her out with how we do our things here. Show her around and work with her in your project.”

    The new girl's sullen face kept relatively low as she thanked our teacher and settled on the seat given to her, never even glancing over me to acknowledge me as her partner. I don’t mind either.

    “Hey, Elena… you got the new kid as your partner. What are you gonna do about it?” Maia whispered back at me, as she was two rows far from me. Maia has been my close ally through thick and thin. We have the same mind-length. And right then, she knew what I was thinking. I hushed her and kept looking on the weird Cheng girl. What’s with her?

    I never expected her to turn her gaze back at me, so I figured she knew well how this school works and that she won’t need any partner. Good news.

    Days passed roughly fast, I’ve forgotten completely about the Science project, much more the new kid I’m supposed to work with. I was returning from my snack break when I saw this letter beneath my notebook on my desk. Queer, she’s really serious about that project. There I got my new name.


    From where I sit on the last row of the train, I reread her first letter to me as the train began to move and thunder away, along me within it.


    Hello there,

    You’re my partner, right? Sorry, if I have to ask this on writing. I’ve never really been good at speaking out with people. Our project’s gonna be due next week. We haven’t talked about our project together. Tell me—err, write me about your plan. Heidillena, right? Pretty name. How shall I call you? Lena? Heidi? Heidi’s better. Let me call you, Heidi, is that alright?

    I’m,
    Seraiah.
    Or better yet, call me Seiri.