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“What the matter?” I asked Jane, a FBI agent. We were walking to her apartment after work.
“I just found out that my husband died on the job,” she responded. She was a little teary-eyed. The rain hid the tears, since she didn’t have an umbrella.
“When?” I questioned, “Did he got into an accident? Was he shot?”
“Killed by the Lucky 13 Murderer.”
I recognized that name, “Isn’t he the city’s current No. 1 criminal?”
“Yes,” she glanced at a fountain, “He also got him. I was in the office when I received the news.”
I shake the water off of my black umbrella, “I hadn’t been following the case.” I was a salesman, only reading the business section of a newspaper, “Can you fill me in?”
Jane stared at me but nodded, “Everything the Lucky 13 Murderer does have to do with the number 13. Most victim’s ages are 26, 39, and 52, or multiples of 13. The victim is shot by a single bullet and is stabbed 12 times. And the number 13 is drawn on the floor or a nearby wall.”
“Is that all?” I said, “There got to be a catch.”
She was reluctant, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Come on, we’re almost at your apartment. “ We were both in downtown. The cars were traveling here and there. Jane’s apartment building was in a skyscraper.
“My husband was victim 168. 13 times 13 is 169. My team spectates that after the next murder; the Lucky 13 Murder will stop and disappear.”
“How do you know that none of the murders were committed by copycats?”
“That is classified evidence.”
Jane and I reached her apartment building. We didn’t talk while we were taking the elevator, but once Jane reached her home, she started taking again. That time, her tone was firmer.
“The real reason that I asked you to come over because I want to ask you some questions relating to the case. Thirteen of your co-workers died. I want to know if any of your other co-workers have a motive.”
“You are suspecting that the serial murderer came from my company”
“We have proof. The gun and knife used are products sold by your company, and in several other scenes, the victim just brought an item from a salesman. There are also other pieces of testimonial and physical evidence.”
We were both in the apartment. I was sitting on the couch and Jane was standing up with her back on me.
That was my chance.
I stood up, took out a pistol, and placed the barrel against her belt. She almost yelled but I placed my gloved hand on her mouth.”
“I’m the Lucky 13 Murderer.” I confessed.
I pulled the trigger. That was my last victim.
- by chihuahua0 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 03/13/2010 |
- Skip
Comments (5 Comments)
- xNicotine Kisses - 04/14/2010
- This is an interesting idea, but it lacks a lot of description and is way too 'he said this and then she said that.' Add more detail so that it's not all choppy dialogue. There's also quite a few grammatical and word usage errors here and there, so either revise it or have someone else do it for you. You have spectate instead of speculate at one point in here and they don't have the same meaning whatsoever.
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- chihuahua0 - 04/10/2010
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Thanks for the comments.
I wish more people would read this ARRGH! LOL - Report As Spam
- immConfuzzled - 04/09/2010
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Well I think at the end you should cut out the: "I pulled the trigger. That was my last victim."
And just end it with him saying "I'm the Lucky 13 Murderer, and you're my last victim." But all in all it's pretty good. A little bit of grammatical errors but I like it. smile - Report As Spam
- Brimankenke - 03/21/2010
- Pretty good. I though that it would have been better if at the ending he killed himself instead of her when he confessed.
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- chihuahua0 - 03/19/2010
- Please someone read. I only got one other rating and no comments.
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