• Narcissistic Personality Disorder



    I was taken by surprise when my mom bluntly pushed me out the door, right after I had set down my backpack and purse. She grabbed me by my arm, and dragged me to the car. Unfortunately, I knew exactly where we were going, and I wasn’t looking forward to the idea of it.
    “We’re going to the doct…” my mom began. I interrupted her,
    “I know mom, you don’t have to remind me. I don’t think anything is wrong with me, I'm absolutely perfect right now.” I reminded her. Instead, she sarcastically retaliated.
    “Of course you are, but we’re still going to get you checked out.”
    When we got to the doctor’s office, she grabbed my arm again, and walked us to the door. When we entered, my nostrils were filled with the robust scent of cheap coffee, latex rubber gloves, and cleaning alcohol. The lobby was small, with some chairs and a couch, a coffee table, and a fish tank. I even saw that there was a small area for kids to play in.
    The doctor walked out and called our name. Once we had gotten into the examination room, I sat down on the table, while my mom sat on one of the chairs. I scrunched my nose at the sound of the crinkly white paper laid out. After about 5 minutes, the doctor finally came in. He ran a few tests on me, checking my reflexes and such, and then started to speak to my mom. Once his attention shied away from me, I noticed that Gina was also sitting next to me.
    “Hello Tammy. What are you doing here? You look perfect and healthy to me.” She spoke, in her smooth, yet calm tone. It was very relaxing.
    “My mom decided to take me in. Apparently, my teachers have been reporting to her that I am being conceited or something. They also say I have been talking to myself, which is strange.” I replied.
    “Oh, I'm the one talking to myself, for I am the one who is real. Don’t you know that you're nothing but a little puppet on a string? Just a figment of an imagination, floating around in the clouds.”
    I stared at Gina for a second, pondering, and then I spoke again, “Gina, what are you talking abou…” I was interrupted by my mom and the doctor.
    “You see, she has been doing this a lot lately, talking to herself and whatnot. I'm very worried about her. Do you know…” my mom continued to speak to the doctor. I turned to continue talking to Gina, but she was gone. Huh. Maybe she had to go home, I thought to myself. The doctor left for a few minutes, then a different doctor came back with my results.
    “Tammy Zelepuza... Correct?” he asked me.
    “Yes, that is my name. Who are you and what do you want?” I replied. My mom glared at my ‘rude’ gesture.
    “I have the results from your tests. I have bad news Mrs. Zelepuza; your daughter has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, along with Peduncular Hallucinosis.” The doctor replied. I was abashed. He was telling me that I was a narcissist? And what is a Peduncle? And hallucinations? I have been seeing no such thing!
    “Dr…”
    “Heinz.” He corrected me.
    “Okay, Dr. Heinz. I appreciate your efforts and all, but I assure you I have no such disease or disorder. If you must know, I am actually perfect. I have no blemishes, and the only problem I have are people hating me. If you think that I am going to see some psychiatrist to fix my so called ‘problems’, then you are wrong, because I will do no such thing!” I raised my tone at him.
    The doctor looked abashed, and a bit flushed. I glared at him for a minute, while my mom was glaring at me. My mom finally spoke.
    “Dr. Heinz, do you have some sort of injection or medication that you can give her?”
    “Of course I do. There is an injection here called carbamazepine that should reduce her hallucinations, if you would like. I would also recommend a psychiatrist or therapist for her disorder.” He replied. I was about to strangle him! He was driving me insane with all this jokes. Was this some sort of April fool’s joke?
    I was about to jump forward and attack him, but I found myself being held back. Before I could get a word out of my mouth, he had shoved a needle into me and injected some sort of liquid into my blood stream. Before I blacked out, I felt some sort of pinching and scuttling across my face.
    15 Hours Later…
    “Tammy, get out of bed, you're late for school!” I heard my mom scream. I opened my eyes, only to see that our roof was gone and there were bright colors everywhere. I squinted, and stumbled out of bed. It took me 20 minutes to finally get ready. When I finally got downstairs, I saw my mom in the kitchen.
    “Mom, what kinderf drugs didat docrrr girve me???” I slurred. I sounded drunk, but I didn’t know what was wrong right now. Everything looked so... bright, confusing, and blurry. I wasn’t sure what to make out of it.
    “It was just something to help your… hallucinations, honey. The bus will be here in less than 5 minutes, so you should head out.” She replied
    I ran out the door, stumbling and tripping on nothing in particular. Once the sun had hit my face, my vision cleared up and I could see clearly. I saw my three best friends, Jasmine Dehls, Julia Pitzler, and Gina Schmidt, all standing at the bus stop waiting for me. I called out to them, and they turned around and acknowledged me. Gina was the one to speak first,
    “Hun, what are you doing going to school? I told you, you're a nobody, and nobody loves you or wants you. Why would you want to embarrass yourself by going out into public?” She spoke in her soft, quiet, monotone voice.
    “Look Gina, I don’t know what you're talking about, but I am a somebody, and you are nobody to tell me who I am.” I was starting to get frustrated with her. I turned to see the bus pull up, and we all piled on. When I turned around to look at her again, she was gone.
    “Tammy, who were you talking to back there?” Jasmine asked me.
    “I was talking to Gina, who else? She was standing right next to you.” I replied. She was right there, in plain sight. I don’t know why everyone kept asking about her.
    “For the last time Tammy, we don’t know who the heck this ‘Gina’ is. Do you have a new imaginary friend or something? Are you going psycho? Maybe you need to see a shrink.” Julia replied. She laughed, and we proceeded to talk about the upcoming 9th grade dance, and what kind of dresses we were gonna wear. Soon, the bus pulled up at our school, Fallacier Staygemont Jr. High, or FSJH, since many people didn’t want to try to pronounce the whole name. We dispersed off the bus, and about 10 minutes later, the bell rang to head to class. A few minutes after the bell rang, Gina appeared next to me again. It’s creepy how she does that, I thought to myself. After morning announcements, the bell rang again for 1st period. I turned to Gina in the hallway.
    “How is it that you come into class whenever you want and the teachers don’t care?” I asked. This time, Gina was starting to really get to me. I don’t know what drugs that doctor gave me, but it’s making me uncontrollably emotional. I felt like I could break down in tears at any second.
    “Oh, Hun, don’t worry about the stresses of school and life. Just let yourself slip away from everything… remember? You're just a little nobody that no one loves or likes.” She replied in her now annoying smooth, monotone voice.
    “No, Gina! I don’t know what you’re talking about! Why do you keep telling me that?! I am somebody! I am a real person!” I tried to convince myself, but for some reason I just couldn’t. I fell to the ground and I could hear the people around me pointing and laughing. I felt the tears roll down my face, and they tasted salty. I don’t know how long I was there, and I don’t remember anything after that.
    The next thing I remembered, I woke up in a hospital bed. I was in a gown, and I saw an IV in me. I looked at the bag, to see what they were giving me. It was carbamazepine. I think the next thing I did was scream.
    “Get this IV out of me; I don’t want any more of your drugs! Get it off, NOW!” I yelled, at the top of my lungs. The doctor came in, with his clipboard and all. I thought I saw two little people on his shoulders, but once I blinked, they disappeared.
    “Hey, aren’t you the doctor who gave me those drugs that made me feel drunk?” I asked him.
    “Yes”, he replied, “I’m Dr. Heinz. The last injection we gave you was Penicillin, which is why you began to feel dizzy. It also increased the realistic hallucinations you are having. I'm afraid that you will need to go to therapy to relieve some of the traumatic events that have occurred.” He began to wince, as if I was going to yell or attack him again. I wanted to, but all that I could manage was a wimpy ‘okay’.
    I closed my eyes and rested, while outside the rain pounded on the windows like thousands of needles.