• I found myself alone in my room, once again, completely alone. It was cold, it was winter. The thermostat read 70 degrees, by my heart read below zero. It was frozen, so frozen that if somebody had dared to say one negative thing to me, it would shatter. There was a cell phone by my side, that always stayed completely silent. Nobody wanted to talk to me. My eyes saw the world in a different way, a solemn way, a darkened way.

    A small, soft yellow light emitted from my bedside, the tiny little lamp burning brightly to cast dark shadows. There were clothes on the floor, clothes I didn't feel like picking up, simply because I had no pride, no respect, no reason. The phone remained silent. I sat, feeling the feelings that nobody cared about, the feelings that were looked over day to day in the school hallways. Two hundred and fifty sets of eyes passed over me every single day. Two hundred and fifty sets of eyes skimming, and looking away either from disinterest or disgust. Two hundred and fifty people, and not one of them stopped to even try to end the pain. The very same pain that I knew every single set saw.

    Alone in my room. Cold, and alone. And silent. Not a creature stirred. My mother downstairs watched her television, wiping her thoughts away of the children she hadn't wanted. My sister in her own room, tuning out the world with her ears plugged by the sounds of the anime on her computer screen. Friends? There were none. Every once in awhile somebody would look at me, curious, but not curious enough to say the phrase I desperately wanted to hear. 'Are you okay?'.

    I felt a tear run down my cheek, and I let it fall. I had never heard those words from anybody. Not from a teacher, or counselor. Not from those two hundred and fifty sets of eyes. Not even from my own family. My hands were shaking now. "Are you alright?" I asked myself. I wrapped my arms around myself, to keep myself from falling apart. Finally, I whispered my reply. "No."

    A plethora of tears fell from my eyes now, my whole body feeling like it just wanted to give up, to quit trying. I begged to let the hormones in my body stop, I begged for my kidneys to shut down, for my throat to close completely. I was drowning. Not only in the tears that dropped from my eyes, but in my own feelings. The cold and darkness wrapped itself around me, pulling me under my feelings, leading me deeper and darker. As I got colder and colder, the tears fell even more, chilling me to the bone, shattering my soul. The words I wanted to scream to the world were constricting me, pulling me even deeper into despair.

    I'm not okay! I'm not okay! Do you see the pain in my eyes!? Do you know how often I cry!? Why won't you stop!? Why won't you look at me!? Why won't you talk to me and ask me!? Why do you leave me alone when I'm.. Drowning.... I let go of my final breath, and let the words pull me into darkness.

    ---
    I wake with the morning light flooding into my window. The tears of last night still soak my pillow, crusted tears making lines on my face. My throat is sore, my lips dry. I use my fragile hands to turn the clock. Seven o' clock. My hands, cold to the touch, manage to slip on new clothes and pack my things before I walk out the door to do the whole thing over again.

    They think I'm fine. They think that I just don't care. They think that I'm antisocial. But they're wrong. They think that I'm just quiet. My silence is my scream.