We've been married for five years and you've been gone for three. Work, you told me. I understood, of course. You had better chances of making it big abroad and we all needed the money. Ever since my accident four years ago, you've had to work more to compensate. And I loved you for it.
I feel a pang of nervousness as I dial your number. You haven't called in weeks and I've missed hearing your voice.
"Good morning, sweetheart! It's me. Yeah, a bit sudden, I know. It's just that - "
My heart sinks at your interruption. You sounded so cold...
" - oh. I see. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were busy."
You always said you were busy, nowadays. Back in the day, instead of calling, you'd text me little messages when you were busy. They weren't anything substantial, just little things like 'i <3 u's or 'ttyl's but they were yours. They made me feel loved. You haven't done anything like that in years.
"... It's fine. How're you?"
You sounded bored.
"Yeah, I'm alright. The dogs are doing great. So, I hear your break's coming up. When're you coming back? I've missed you."
"I - I wasn't trying to - look, I know that you're busy. I understand. But you've been gone for years now. I just... I just wish... I just want to see you again."
You mumble replies I've heard a million times before.
"... I see. So, I guess vacation's cancelled, now?"
Again. Another one cancelled. The last time we went out together was two years ago. I haven't seen you since. Not in the flesh, at least.
"It's alright. We can just reschedule. So..."
Did you get the scarf I made you? I know it's cold where you work so I made one special, just for you. I even made one for me, so we could match. Did you like it? Shipping is pricey but I didn't mind. I worked really hard to make it.
Did you even care that I made something for you?
There were so many things I wanted to talk to you about, about why you were ignoring my e-mails, about why you've stopped talking to me, about what happened to us, about what I did wrong. I gave up everything for you. My family, my friends, my wealth... all to be with you. Because I loved you. Because you loved me.
But I don't say any of that.
"I'll keep in touch. Bye, hon."
You don't even bother to say goodbye. I wanted to tell you that I love you but I knew you wouldn't say the same.
And besides, by now, it would've been a lie.
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