vibrant

• Artist: k i l l a u h
• Description: one of my random poems based on my aim icon..
• Date: 10/26/2008
• Tags: vibrant

Vibrant and alive as i wait in solitude for a way out.
Why bother when what you get is deceit,
or greater evils.
Just sit back,
listen to the rain.
Though in my case it is not rain,
but an ever persistent thunderstorm raining down on my happiness.
Until there is nothingness left.

Comments

[ProfessorKC]

This one had a chance, but failed.

Poetry is about imagery and after the line "Tough in mycase it's not rain" you had a great oppotunity to compare this with rain to something like "The stormclouds hold pupils and cornea ... the thunder echoes in my chest ... and the drops themselves taste salty and bitter ... till there is nothingness left." Here you compare an emotional display to a rain storm with your words ... imagery ... use it.

[straight r a i n b o w s]

Wow, astounding! 5/5