• Snuggle under the covers
    That Grandma spent ages
    Crocheting with an ancient hook,
    A baby soft skein of Lion's Brand,
    With a headache that rivals
    Any of San Francisco's Richter scales.
    The only cure is to drown down
    In 21st century wave of
    People whose problems garner
    A segment on trash television
    As they push the sale of their book
    (That really is a non-fiction lie)
    And document their inspiration
    For Mutilation for Dummies.
    So marry a man from prision
    That was tattooed at Miami Ink
    And who used to look like McDreamy
    Before his extreme went haywire.
    Just remember, digital divas,
    Before you shear those loveless locks,
    That duct tape and krazy glue
    Solve everything.