A Child In Time Alone

• Artist: Cottoncandyocbra3
• Description: Something chillingly dark
• Date: 02/05/2009
• Tags: child time alone

A child alone in time
paid to disfigure his aspirations
Who shall admit to this crime?
enacted in desperation,

Full of deep pain and self doubt
days viciously attacking belief
his inner self is screaming out
for some form or shape of relief,

For this pent up, maligned aggression
weaving tear tapestry in the eyes
panic attack triggered from repression
he's nothing special, why does he try?

A failure in his own eyes and words
falling out of social favor
the sides of emotion draw their swords
the sweet taste of hope's blood to savor,

Worries over sparse details of a fantasy
something never to occur
wishing for depression amnesty
a still frame of pain to denote symbolic rapture,

Fearing a false situation which has no merit
as the dream shall come to fruition nowhere
this inexplicable stress, he cannot bear it
all he asks is for someone to truly care,

What a laughably whimsical notion!
to care is to truly exist, yet we are only lies
drowning in the lovely ocean
to hell be damned the soul who tries,

Ignoring all the prior advice
no matter how logically sound
skating too many times on thin ice
in these broken dreams his corpse was found.

Comments

[yaVaho155]

ps: I'll rate a four, perfection is impossible smile
ow and try to break the stramine of constantly four verses, throw a quintet or a sextet or whatever in between! that will shake up the readers when their attention is waning.

[yaVaho155]

well there's a good base here and the flow of long and difficult words seems pleasingly fluent at first. But when I look closer, every word looks like you really struggled it into its place. And I also think that you did this to hide the very simple nature of this poem.
Don't misunderstand me, your writing is great but it has become so "intellectual" and arty that it loses some of its "soul". Maybe try to keep the struggling a bit down, but not too much.

[Casca 7]

@ Siryn: I know what poetry is. I know the difference between reality and figurative speech. Poetry is also meant to be subjective. I am giving my honest subjective opinion since Alitare asked me to be honest. There is no reason for you to insult me.

[bindyblueeyes]

I find your writing magnificently sophicticated

I love how you use more complicated languange rather than text talk or using the same words repeatedly

you are someone to look up to for creative ideas

you can be a muse

[SirynECrow]

I didn't find it boring at all. For all you "surface dwellers" there are some poems that require you to look deeper to find just how powerful they really are. If you consider it too much work move on to the wanna-be's who post s**t with emotes and chatspeak and the like. Obviously you'll be able to comprehend such kindergarten terms and attempts!

[SirynECrow]

@ Casca: Poetry is not reality. Rather, it is what we wish things to be with the same knowledge that it cannot. Poetry is figurative. If you mind doesn't bend that way, don't hurt yourself trying to read it.

@light_goddess: If you can't write a decent and proper sentence, I'm willing to bet your poetry isn't worth feeding to pigs. Learn to write a complete sentence and you may be worth a half formed thought of contempt.

[Mud99]

Deliciously dark you devious devil. 4/5