• Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."


    Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.


    Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.


    Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.


    Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.


    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.


    Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.


    In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.


    Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.


    The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.


    Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.


    Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.


    Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".


    Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the head off of Batman.


    The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.


    In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.


    Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.


    With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.


    Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.


    Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.


    Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.


    Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.


    When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.


    Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.


    As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.


    Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.


    Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.


    Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.


    There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris… Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.


    A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.


    In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.


    Chuck Norris let the dogs out.