sonnet 28

• Artist: himeharu08
• Description: this is my first sonnet or poem that i've wrote when i'm second year student
• Date: 03/29/2010
• Tags: sonnet

you're like a wind that chills me
i need you as the air i breathe
time is too short whenever were together

even i'm down and can't cope up
why did i hurt you ?
and now i'm blaming myself
i hope that the stars see me and talk to you
coz i want you to know
your important to me
and i can't let you go .

Comments

[Cottoncandyocbra3]

Poorly constructed. The metaphors and imagary you present are all mundane and unoriginal, not to mention uninspired and bland. That, and there's no form, there's no structure, there's no fluidity, and there's no deft imagination. It's just a bunch of cliche lines plastered together with little thought or care. It isn't subtle, and it doesn't move me, emotionally.