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Aw hormones... stare so naturally pleasurable, yet annoying at times, aren't they? I can understand the want to be loved... everyone and everything has that longing Sakura-chan. Even our neighboring owl who probably ate my kitties, and the wind that blows so fiercly because it cannot paint all the rainbow colors like we can. Love is what assures us that it is okay for us to be present in the world. When one is loved, I believe that is what creates confidence and self-esteem. But its important to consider what we mean when we use the word "love," since we use it to name so many different things. Its the most commonly misused word, and that makes love dangerous. So I guess we need to ask ourselves if "lust" is really what we'd consider "love" and whether that's what we should really expect from our special people. Sakura... if someone just "loves" you because they "want" you, do you really think its gonna last that long... do you really think you can turn to them and rely on them whenever you need help? Maybe you can... I shouldn't really be talking since I don't know too much about this stuff, but I've thought about it alot. I don't know what I'd do if I were in such a relationship, but when I consider it, I don't want someone who loves me because there are a bunch of hormones dancing in their head singing, "Damn, she's SO sexy!!" xp It may seem powerful, but I think a lot of people make the mistake of trusting this love... because it actually is very temporary. Its not the same eternal love that exists because they themselves can say, "She may/may not turn me on, but the reason I truly love *fill in the blank* is because they're so much more than that." I don't blame ya for feeling timid on the romance thing. I am too... heck sometimes guys in general scare me and I find myself hiding from them. But, that's a different story... Moving on... I know "looking sexy" may be the ideal way to attract a guy since the male gender often are big pools of hormones pushing them to their sexual peak. But then again, even if this is the general case, that doesn't mean all guys are comfortable with this. Just like every girl has different approaches, I'm sure every guy can be somewhat grouped differently from other guys. The guys in your area might be timid like you, and very afraid. I personally wouldn't trust a guy who gives you attention just because of how you look. Sure, its nice for a happy moment or two. But does that mean, "I will always be your friend, and I will always love you even if we are apart years at a time?" No, a guy cannot foretell that much just because he thinks you look good. Maybe all the guys in your area just aren't interested in "romance." While you may think that's a negative thing, you may be able to get something postive out of that. Maybe there doesn't have to be any "intense love" kind of thing, but a similar friendship you may have amongst girls. (c)

May seem odd at first... but you know, if you can't be friends with a guy, and love them like you would love your friends, how could you ever expect to "love" them at the next level? Its that kind of love that's eternal and true right? Friendship is something that truly drives you to do something for another person since you know they will do something for you. I don't think you can find that same trust, and invisible link with sexual attraction. Sexual attraction may make it all the more special, but I just don't think it can be considered "love" itself. Sexual attraction just means "I feel driving emotions toward him/her", but not "I truly know him/her." And although it is very disapointing, I have been told that love is almost never equal, and often has to be renegotiated. It may seem unfair, but it just happens to be the many frustrating realities that we have to learn to live with. I remember you mentioning to me once that you felt it unfair to see all the couples around you when you're alone. But you know, we can't assume that they are experiencing true love just because they are together. For all we know, they may be together for the wrong reasons or just because they think they "supposed" to be together because of societal pressures. In other words, most likely the couples you see commonly are probably individually pathetic and are just a part of the herd. (Don't get me wrong, this is a really rash statement, and I may easily stand corrected. No offense to anybody... thinking outloud y'know? sweatdrop ) I know how lonely it can be alone and I realize it may be nice to have a special person, but don't forget that you don't need someone in your life Sakura-chan. After my recent heartbreak with the one I've finally grown to refer to as my imaginary significant, I personally feel like avoiding the whole romance thing for a while. I think it tends to be a terribly overwhelming experience all for nothing. The first real crush I had that may of been somewhat of sexual attraction did anything but make me happy. It scared me. I couldn't breathe, i couldn't think, and all my mind and heart and body went completely off balance. Shortly after that, I thought that anyone who would ever consider that love was crazy. I'm not saying lust is a bad thing. Sex can be considered holy, in a way. i know, religious-like s**t, right? Well, when you think about it, sex has played its part in our evolution and the growth of life, so we can't say its an evil thing. Its the human race that makes it ugly, and its the human race that often takes it the wrong way and saying that its "love". So even if you were to become a whore, we can't exactly say that you will be "loved" because sexual attraction can't even be concluded as love. From what I've been told, love is a slow process, and love may not even be a "feeling". (c)

Even before you typed the entry Sakura, I knew most of who I was dealing with. I know you had a stranger childhood, if you consider barbies having sex to be strange. Everyone has to have a stranger side somewhere - that's what shows that you're becoming who you truly are, and not what others want you to be. I knew you were suicidal. I am too from time to time. One often needs to toy with the idea of death to realize life. I know you have your license, and I'm oh so envious of you because I don't have mine yet even though I just turned seventeen in May!! Triple red dog GRRR. stressed And I knew from the start that you had a huge capacity in your heart to love because you opened up to me when nearly no one else would, and you freed me. Those are the reasons why I love you. I love you because you have your times of lust and a strange pasts and your insecurities. I love your negatives as well as your positives. I think its great if there's something about yourself you choose to work on and I support you in all your growth, but even if you choose not to I love the person you are. Because there isn't any other Sakura in the world that would be a full inside and outside replica of you. And I'm sure that at some point you will find a guy that will love you because of that too. It may be a long shot, but I'm am hopeful that there is because there are more options and possiblities in the world than we can probably dream of. It may happen, it may not. It can be hard to live sometimes, because there are no true guaratees in life. But death won't solve anything or give us what we want in life, so what do we have to loose? I love you and I know everyone else loves you just as deeply even if you have your troubles. Don't ever forget that. You are strong and we all have faith in you. heart

......Ok then. sweatdrop Oh blaring hormones