Mood: dunno faggots ;P
Song: Love Drunk; Boys Like Girls
Ohhh how this song reminds me of you.
I need to let go.
Just let go.
Let all my memories go.
Let all my feelings go.
Let my hopes fall, and crush to the ground.
This jar in my hands.
Full of our time.
Needs to be dropped.
And shatter.
Shatter into millions of pieces.
Is that what you want?
Do you want me to let go?
Does it make it harder on you when I love you so?
Isn't that a sign to not let me go?
I still fail to understand you.
I won't.
Because in our book the last sentence was left incomplete.
And now the rest of the pages are blank.
Waiting.
Waiting for you.
But now that I'm pushed into this corner.
I'm tempted to throw that book into the fire.
And watch as its eaten away by the flames.
I won't get over you.
All I can do is suppress those feelings.
Hide them like I did so long ago.
Bed.
Wake.
Dressed.
School.
Homework.
TV.
Internet.
Disappointed.
You're not there.
Leave.
Turn phone off vibrate.
Sleep.
No texts from you.
Wake.
Repeat.
I can't stand that endless cycle.
That's why I left.
To break it.
Nothing changed.
Nothing happened.
It actually felt good to get away from this place.
You drive me insane, Connor.
Can't I at least get some sleep without you being in my dreams?
Or at least be a douche to me in my dreams too.
Then it'd be a little easier.
You make me feel so stupid.
I miss you so.
But you appear to not care about me at all.
My feelings feel so wasted.
So I feel stupid for even feeling them.
Did you know that I put so much trust in you?
Is that why you used it against me?
So now I won't ever trust you again?
Or I'll doubt any thought I have of you?
Is that what you wanted?
My trust issues are so bad.
I don't even trust half my friends.
Maybe like...2.
When it boils down to it...I hardly even trust myself.
Where did all my trust go...?
I guess I was tired of always being let down so I just gave up.
When did I become a liar?
I think it started with Drew.
I kept telling myself, "You love him You love him"
But I never really did.
He was just there to keep me company without you.
I realized that later on.
And agonized over it.
It kinda ******** me up. Lol.
Then the break up.
Waiting, waiting for you.
But then Drew came back.
And I had very little hope left in you, so I went back to Drew.
"If I can't have Connor, then I guess I can be happy with what I get..."
Because to be truthful.
...I'm deathly scared that I'll be alone.
That my shyness and my untrustworthiness will keep me from finding someone.
I'll grow old. And die alone.
Sure, I'll have friends.
But that's not what I crave.
I want someone to hold.
I want someone to touch.
Someone to call my own.
Finally Drew dumped me.
I cried over it.
Yelled at him.
Silly of me to overreact to a person whom of which I didn't ever truly love.
Then.
You and Me.
It happened.
It was the best few months of my life.
Break up.
Worst ever.
I'm not even going to resurface that first memory.
Back together.
Happiness.
Then I grew a little leery.
You were either on xbl or not there.
I remember.
I went a week without you.
It was horrid.
I had no one to hold. No one to talk to. The world was so gray.
Break up.
Bored of me.
All I felt was anger on that one.
A fiery anger.
I can't even begin to describe it.
Jealousy.
Over Michelle.
It felt like you were flaunting her in my face.
On purpose.
Still couldn't hate you however.
This cycle continued until recently.
Back together.
Felt great.
It was the summer.
We had plans to meet.
I felt closer to you than ever before.
WoW - consumed your time. You know it did.
I held it in.
Finally I told you.
Got angry with me for not opening up.
Change. I would change for you.
Happiness back.
Not on as much.
Missed you a lot.
Phone conversations got shorter and shorter.
Then day before you went back school.
I told you I'd miss you so so so much when you were in school.
"We'll make it through this Paigey."
I believed you.
Not even a week later.
Break up.
Told me you were going to find a real girl.
We couldn't get closer than we were.
That it would never work out.
Angry. Betrayed.
You broke something beautiful. Again.
Everyone left you.
Which disgusts me.
They knew you better than me.
They hardly know me.
Yet you make one wrong move and they turn against you.
Yeah you come across as an a**. Whereas I come across a lot nicer.
Then you turn it around on me.
Never loved me in the first place.
Have I ever told you that you suck at lying?
Trying to get me to hate you.
Its a pathetic attempt.
All it really did was make me mad.
Maybe it would have worked. If I didn't know you.
Yes, I do.
Don't tell me that stupid ******** bullshit that I don't.
I do know you.
Just not all of you.
You never permitted me that far.
But I was patience and was going to wait.
For you.
But no.
You took off again.
But you know.
You still have my heart.
What's funny is that I shouldn't care.
That I should just let you go.
But something keeps holding me back from that.
I don't know what it is.
It keeps me tied to you.
This love, This hate.
Its a great title for us, you know.
We could have made it.
We would have made it.
You being so scared of that stability.
Of that emotion you feel for me.
It keeps us from our happy ending.
And it kills me that you let it win.
Every time.
I hope you read this.
And change.
Change back to the Connor I fell so madly in love with.
That I'm still madly in love with.
Because the one I know now is not you.
Not at all.
Song: Love Drunk; Boys Like Girls
Ohhh how this song reminds me of you.
I need to let go.
Just let go.
Let all my memories go.
Let all my feelings go.
Let my hopes fall, and crush to the ground.
This jar in my hands.
Full of our time.
Needs to be dropped.
And shatter.
Shatter into millions of pieces.
Is that what you want?
Do you want me to let go?
Does it make it harder on you when I love you so?
Isn't that a sign to not let me go?
I still fail to understand you.
I won't.
Because in our book the last sentence was left incomplete.
And now the rest of the pages are blank.
Waiting.
Waiting for you.
But now that I'm pushed into this corner.
I'm tempted to throw that book into the fire.
And watch as its eaten away by the flames.
I won't get over you.
All I can do is suppress those feelings.
Hide them like I did so long ago.
Bed.
Wake.
Dressed.
School.
Homework.
TV.
Internet.
Disappointed.
You're not there.
Leave.
Turn phone off vibrate.
Sleep.
No texts from you.
Wake.
Repeat.
I can't stand that endless cycle.
That's why I left.
To break it.
Nothing changed.
Nothing happened.
It actually felt good to get away from this place.
You drive me insane, Connor.
Can't I at least get some sleep without you being in my dreams?
Or at least be a douche to me in my dreams too.
Then it'd be a little easier.
You make me feel so stupid.
I miss you so.
But you appear to not care about me at all.
My feelings feel so wasted.
So I feel stupid for even feeling them.
Did you know that I put so much trust in you?
Is that why you used it against me?
So now I won't ever trust you again?
Or I'll doubt any thought I have of you?
Is that what you wanted?
My trust issues are so bad.
I don't even trust half my friends.
Maybe like...2.
When it boils down to it...I hardly even trust myself.
Where did all my trust go...?
I guess I was tired of always being let down so I just gave up.
When did I become a liar?
I think it started with Drew.
I kept telling myself, "You love him You love him"
But I never really did.
He was just there to keep me company without you.
I realized that later on.
And agonized over it.
It kinda ******** me up. Lol.
Then the break up.
Waiting, waiting for you.
But then Drew came back.
And I had very little hope left in you, so I went back to Drew.
"If I can't have Connor, then I guess I can be happy with what I get..."
Because to be truthful.
...I'm deathly scared that I'll be alone.
That my shyness and my untrustworthiness will keep me from finding someone.
I'll grow old. And die alone.
Sure, I'll have friends.
But that's not what I crave.
I want someone to hold.
I want someone to touch.
Someone to call my own.
Finally Drew dumped me.
I cried over it.
Yelled at him.
Silly of me to overreact to a person whom of which I didn't ever truly love.
Then.
You and Me.
It happened.
It was the best few months of my life.
Break up.
Worst ever.
I'm not even going to resurface that first memory.
Back together.
Happiness.
Then I grew a little leery.
You were either on xbl or not there.
I remember.
I went a week without you.
It was horrid.
I had no one to hold. No one to talk to. The world was so gray.
Break up.
Bored of me.
All I felt was anger on that one.
A fiery anger.
I can't even begin to describe it.
Jealousy.
Over Michelle.
It felt like you were flaunting her in my face.
On purpose.
Still couldn't hate you however.
This cycle continued until recently.
Back together.
Felt great.
It was the summer.
We had plans to meet.
I felt closer to you than ever before.
WoW - consumed your time. You know it did.
I held it in.
Finally I told you.
Got angry with me for not opening up.
Change. I would change for you.
Happiness back.
Not on as much.
Missed you a lot.
Phone conversations got shorter and shorter.
Then day before you went back school.
I told you I'd miss you so so so much when you were in school.
"We'll make it through this Paigey."
I believed you.
Not even a week later.
Break up.
Told me you were going to find a real girl.
We couldn't get closer than we were.
That it would never work out.
Angry. Betrayed.
You broke something beautiful. Again.
Everyone left you.
Which disgusts me.
They knew you better than me.
They hardly know me.
Yet you make one wrong move and they turn against you.
Yeah you come across as an a**. Whereas I come across a lot nicer.
Then you turn it around on me.
Never loved me in the first place.
Have I ever told you that you suck at lying?
Trying to get me to hate you.
Its a pathetic attempt.
All it really did was make me mad.
Maybe it would have worked. If I didn't know you.
Yes, I do.
Don't tell me that stupid ******** bullshit that I don't.
I do know you.
Just not all of you.
You never permitted me that far.
But I was patience and was going to wait.
For you.
But no.
You took off again.
But you know.
You still have my heart.
What's funny is that I shouldn't care.
That I should just let you go.
But something keeps holding me back from that.
I don't know what it is.
It keeps me tied to you.
This love, This hate.
Its a great title for us, you know.
We could have made it.
We would have made it.
You being so scared of that stability.
Of that emotion you feel for me.
It keeps us from our happy ending.
And it kills me that you let it win.
Every time.
I hope you read this.
And change.
Change back to the Connor I fell so madly in love with.
That I'm still madly in love with.
Because the one I know now is not you.
Not at all.
