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So I went to the memorial service.
And holy crap it was so sad.
But at the same time I was like "...Dood Adam would have loved this so much haha"

I even teared up a little..

It for some reason ripped a little hole in my heart
All I could think about was 'What if ___ died? Or ___? OMG NO.'

Then I thought "....Omg I'm so glad I have my friends. And my family. Holycrap I want to hug them all to death."
THEN. I really got a jerk of emotion.
Cuz I really wanted to hug Connor. Right then and there.
I was like "i love that kid. just everything omg. i'd die without that f*****t holyshit."
And it was horrible because I had to sit there just thinking about how horrible it'd be if he died or something! And I couldn't text him right in the middle of that s**t! ):

I kept thinking "As soon as this is over, I'm texting Connor."
Then I looked at my phone and Connie Coo texted me!
I was like "MUST CALL HIM ; ___ ; "
So I did. Fosho. Hahaha.
Now I'm just thinking about how much we went through. All our fights and all the other stuff. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, talking to him. But then I try to imagine not ever speaking to him and it just hurts. Without his company I just feel so...Bored and Sad.

So I'm pretty confident.
I don't give a ******** what anyone else says.
******** them.
If they don't accept me talking to Connor again and getting close to him, they can ******** themselves in the butthole.
In the poop depositor!
Because I'm always happiest when he's in my life. Hahaha.