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I don't know what to do.
This pain is just...I never thought something could hurt this bad.

I wish I could have fixed the distance that tore us apart.

I feel like I can't have you as a friend anymore either.
Because it'll just keep happening over and over.
So I guess I'll just keep you as some nice memory, locked away within my heart.

My head is telling me to that.
To erase you.
But my heart wants me to keep you near.
To keep talking to you.

But I can't go through this anymore.
People probably don't understand why we can't be friends anymore.
I think you get it though.

I keep waiting for someone to just say "Just kidding!"
I wish I could tell you to just give me one more try.
But I'm not forcing you to do something that hurts you.

I just know whoever you do choose to spend the rest of you life with, is the luckiest girl in the world.

That's another reason I can't be friends with you.
I couldn't stand the jealousy. It sounds bad. I know.
But they say ignorance is bliss.

I don't know what to do with my life now. Haha.
Thought I had it all planned out.
Go down to NOLA to study.
But now I don't know if that's a good idea.
I don't know what to do.

Erase you and just keep you as a memory.
Keep you as a friend and deal with the pain.
I didn't just lose my boyfriend.
I lost the person who understood me best. Probably the best friend I'll ever have.

I wish you would change your mind.
I wish I could have lived down there.
I don't know what to do except cry.

I can't believe you thought I'd hate you.
I can never hate you.
In all honesty it'd be easier if I did. But I don't want to take that way.
You're too...Awesome? To hate.
I can't bring myself to be angry with you.
I can't even bring myself to blame you.

I can't even be sour about the whole deal.
I just feel pain, that we couldn't have our chance because of distance.

I want to turn that pain into nothingness.
I don't want to hate you.
I just want to feel nothing for you.
Well..Not exactly.
But I want to lock away my love for you. So it hopefully it slowly loses its strength.
Probably won't. But I'll deal with that later.

I feel like I should fight you over it.
But I should respect your decision.
Even if I think you still love me a lot and its just the distance that killed us.
I can't ask you to wait.
I just can't.


And Lisa.
******** you.
You never knew me.
You think you have me figured out, but you don't.
I used you.
I used you to replace Connor.
And I still wanted to keep you around because I have such a fear of being alone.
You were just a person I used to keep myself happy.
Congratulations.

And Kait.
I'm sorry for being so wrapped up in my own problems.
That was selfish of myself.
I was drowning myself in self pity.
I had gone to school with a mask of happiness on everyday so when I got home I finally got to vent everything out.
But I'm sorry.
I should have shut up and payed attention to you.

And back to Connor.
Maybe it is better this way.
It is hard to have a relationship when you live so far away.
Maybe Yamato is right.
We weren't really healthy for either of us..
I want to get through the hurt and see what happens then.
I still don't think we should get close to each other until this is over.
Like for a long. Long time.
I hate that.
But that's probably what's best..

I don't know.
I just want it to stop hurting.

You'll probably be happier with a person who actually lives there.
And who can make you happy.
That was one thing that drove me crazy.
I couldn't be there.
But someone who lives there can.
And that makes me a little bit happier.

I just want you to be happy and not feel sad.