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Lately life has just been going and going and going.
There's no pause really.
I've fallen back in love with my nerd life.
But I've also become more of a party goer.

Which is odd for me. Haha.
I just don't want a repeat of last summer.
Drinking almost every other day, geez.

I feel on edge though.
I keep having dreams that when I wake up I'm disgusted that I had them.
Well...Not disgusted. I just wish I wouldn't.
I'd rather just not dream at all.

I hate how I almost miss the failure.
I hate it.
I don't want to.
Because I want him to mean nothing.
Maybe its not so much him I miss, just what we had.

A lonely life is the one I lead.
Even when people are surrounding me.
I still feel a little lonely.

I mean its normal.
I've totally gone away from the dating scene. Cut myself off from it.
I just don't even know.

this is life now.
and I guess its just a big change.
I love it, but at the same time I hate it.

bitter sweeeeet.