I hate this feeling.
Of being afraid that we'll never talk.
This paranoia.
It was just one day.
Holy jesus.
But I know that's how it happened last time.
Just one day went by and I didn't worry.
Next thing I know a week flies by and I still hadn't heard from you.
Dependence.
Can I handle it?
Being dependent on someone means living half a life in a sense.
I know I'm not selfish enough as to not want to be dependent because I want my own life.
Honestly though what do I expect?
I've been hurt countless times so the fire scares the s**t out of me now.
You'd think I'd just be immune to it.
But no, now I just wanna run away and hide from it.
But I need him.
I thought I didn't.
When did this happen?
This is scary.
I hate wondering if he's going to disappear or not.
I won't tell him though.
Its better that way.
I'll keep my feelings to myself.
Its not like we're dating so I don't have to tell him everything.
I don't have to tell him anything.
But its so WEIRD.
Feeling so strongly for someone but having to swallow it all.
Already knowing that this is a disaster bound to happen, it hurts.
But its a train wreck. You can't help it.
But some disasters are supposed to happen, right?
Like hurricanes and tornadoes and those forrest fires..
How is it that something wrong feels right?
We're not safe for each other but at the same time we feel safe with each other.
We need each other.
A paradox.
I'm inside his mind more than he thinks though.
I think it freaks him out since he's built up this defense where he thinks no one can figure him out.
But after all,
I'm probably just worrying over nothing.
Its in my nature to worry.
You always say I'm silly.
I guess I am.
But sometimes its better to worry than just blow it off
Of being afraid that we'll never talk.
This paranoia.
It was just one day.
Holy jesus.
But I know that's how it happened last time.
Just one day went by and I didn't worry.
Next thing I know a week flies by and I still hadn't heard from you.
Dependence.
Can I handle it?
Being dependent on someone means living half a life in a sense.
I know I'm not selfish enough as to not want to be dependent because I want my own life.
Honestly though what do I expect?
I've been hurt countless times so the fire scares the s**t out of me now.
You'd think I'd just be immune to it.
But no, now I just wanna run away and hide from it.
But I need him.
I thought I didn't.
When did this happen?
This is scary.
I hate wondering if he's going to disappear or not.
I won't tell him though.
Its better that way.
I'll keep my feelings to myself.
Its not like we're dating so I don't have to tell him everything.
I don't have to tell him anything.
But its so WEIRD.
Feeling so strongly for someone but having to swallow it all.
Already knowing that this is a disaster bound to happen, it hurts.
But its a train wreck. You can't help it.
But some disasters are supposed to happen, right?
Like hurricanes and tornadoes and those forrest fires..
How is it that something wrong feels right?
We're not safe for each other but at the same time we feel safe with each other.
We need each other.
A paradox.
I'm inside his mind more than he thinks though.
I think it freaks him out since he's built up this defense where he thinks no one can figure him out.
But after all,
I'm probably just worrying over nothing.
Its in my nature to worry.
You always say I'm silly.
I guess I am.
But sometimes its better to worry than just blow it off
