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So tonight I'll just lose myself.
And then maybe later I'll just find myself again.
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe next week.
I feel like I just wanna get lost, get ******** up and drown.
It takes guts to get out of the ruts.
Guts I don't have right now.
Guts I was never equipped with.
I can handle almost anything, but not death.
I just can't deal with that.

"He's scared, Paige. We have to be there for him."
That's what makes me tear up so much more.
Imagining my grandpaw scared.
I've never seen him scared.
He's a strong man who never gives in to anything - his own person.
But the cancer has reduced him, beaten him.
Its a mighty foe.

What will I do without you Grandpa?
Who's gonna sing to me on Mardi Gras?
Who's gonna make me pancakes?
Who's gonna joke with me the same way you do?

What am I gonna do when you're gone?
The house feels so empty lately.
So quiet without you, and now that you're coming back with a hospice...It just will feel even worse.
I remember seeing you when I got back from Voodoo.
You were quiet.
Someone I've never seen before.

This alcohol does nothing except burn my throat and chest.
Its doing no good whatsoever.
But I can't stop drinking it.
I'm doing the worst thing ever right now but it feels right.
How odd.
I just want to let lose and cry, just get it all out of my system.

I wish you were here to hold me.