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((Important info at the bottom, for anyone who wants to skip over the mushy junk
-J))

"I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses."

I love you, Derek. More than you know, more than I could ever say. You were that one in a million, you know?

There are just too many things to say, and no way to express them. I'm typing this right now, as I'm sitting next to you. You're sleeping, or trying to, at least. It breaks my heart to have to have to see you like this, Derry.

And yet. I can't help but admire you. Everyone I know looks up to you in some way. You've always just been so strong about this whole thing, about harrassment and being with me and contracting AIDS...Like that time when you were on the bench in the park and got spit on by a bunch of ******** homophobes? Yeah, you just looked them in the eye and said that the world really didn't need people like them, flipped them off, and walked away. And there I was, ready to whoop the living s**t outta them...Eh.

And it's like, with the whole AIDS issue. I'd just break down if I were you, but you just kept going, Derek. Always had a smile on your face, ready to just live life to your fullest. Sure, you had your times when you got depressed, but you held up so well, it just amazed all of us.

Sometimes I would hear you crying in the shower 'cause you didn't want me to hear you. ._.; You know I'd comfort you and try to make you feel better right? You could always cry on me. But I know that sometimes, you felt burdened by it, and didn't want to put anyone else through that kind of suffering.

It's things like that that make you stand out. You were the nicest, most noble person I know. You always will be. Although sometimes I felt like hitting you, cause you neglected yourself, placing other people over you. xD <3

It's just like we had this connection. We were always teasing each other, but we could afford to, right? When we got together, a lot of people in the Dozen were falling in and out of love easily, or having relationship problems. But we could make fun of each without fear that the other would get mad, because we just trusted each other implicitly

My best friend, that's you. And what makes it even more great is that I could spend my whole life with you. I loved you so much, you have no idea. And with a lot of people our age, it was about one-night-stands and the sex, right? But I know it went deeper than that was us. Why else do you think I hung on for so long? If all I cared about was your body, I would've dropped you like a hot potato after you were tested for HIV.

God. I love you. Which is why I feel so selfish for wanting you here all to myself. Everyone else is telling me to let you go. Well, scratch that...Some people are telling me to let you go. xD; Your dad's really resigned, but your mom hasn't stopped crying since...a few months ago when you were first hospitalized. xD
And Will's being all stoic. It must be hard for him, since he was the one who donated you the kidney. Although I really don't know what he's feeling. The kid's an enigma, ey?

The Dozen's wavering about the whole issue. Believe it or not, Jay's a mess. Scary, huh? He's the last person you'd expect. Kyle's freaking out, I know he was your closest friend...He's the last one to be kicked out by the nurses. Jake and Goose are just kinda...there. They feel pretty uncomfortable with the whole deal, but they don't want to leave their bud behind.
Sherise and Kirsti actually got together again because of you, you know. Apparently Kirst got all upset when she heard about you and went blubbering to Sheri..Anyways, they're back again. I know you gotta be happy about that; they've always loved each other, they're just the jealous type.
Liz, Erie, and Ruu are all wicked upset. Becca feels like we need to let you go though. D:

And of course, my parents want me to let you go, so I can settle down with a nice pretty lady. xD; Eh. I know you guys haven't always been on the best of terms (Hell, I'm not always on the best of terms with them. >>; ) but at least they came to see you, no?

*sigh*

I love you, Derek. My Derek. I always will.

---
<Start Real Information Here>

Sorry about the longwinded rant, guys. ^^; Jimmy here. If you couldn't already tell.

Well. Starting a few weeks back, Derek's transplant went fine. His brother, Will, was a very close match, so they took the risk of the surgery. Heh, he was complaining cause he had to fast before getting the transplant, and he was starving. xD But yeah, it all went fine. He wasn't able to get on much after that, since he had to stay in the hospital for a few days, and then when he got home, all he wanted to do was "drug himself up on painkillers and be like Rumplestiltken, or whoever that guy who slept for 500 years was," in his words.

But it was after that when things got crazy. Remember when he had that chest pneumonia thing back in the winter, and how it was eating away at his lungs? Something like that is back. D= He's having a horrible time breathing. He's hooked up to so many machines right now, it's scary. He can barely breathe on his own, and his fever is almost 102.

Basically, the doctors say Derek's used up his last chance. They say that eventually, with the lack of oxygen that he can get on his own, coupled with his other problems, he might eventually slip into a coma. And if he does that, it's up to his family to decide whether or not to turn the respiratory machines. D: As it is, he can breathe on his own right now, but justtt barely. He's on a machine to make the flow of oxygen easier.

So the bottom line is, my Derry's gonna die soon. Which is why I wrote all that mushy stuff up at the top. It's just so hard. ;_;

And it's also hard to rehash it all out in here. But I know how much Derek loved this site and how many friends he had on it, so I feel like I have to. D= <3

Thanks so much for listening, guys.

-J