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Derek...didn't make it. Thankfully, he didn't go into a coma like the doctor's had predicted, but even with the oxygen and everything the hospital was trying to do for him, he just didn't pull through. He died painfully, but surrounded by his family and friends. He couldn't speak in his last couple of hours, but he tried to smile. It was heartbreaking. Even at the point of death, he's not thinking about himself, he's thinking of others.

I read the 'Featured Gaian' page where a lot of his friends had commented about him...Thank you so much, guys. Yeah, it made me cry, but it's just so nice to know how much he's made a difference in other people's lives, y'know?

God, I'm bawling like a baby here. >_<;; I don't know what to say. All I know is that now I have no idea how the hell I'm gonna be able to go on without Derek.

I may or may not be back on here. Right now, it's just so painful. Eventually though, I'll come back on, when it doesn't hurt so much. Maybe then I can get to know all of Derek's friends too. And instead of making me cry, it'll make me smile. Someday.

I'm not staying here. I'm thinking of going somewhere, England maybe, or Japan. I'm not sure where. It's just painful to be around here; all his stuff is still intact. I'll come back here, though. I just need time to be alone and think about all this. I'm just feeling so helpless right now.

Derry's mom wants to go through his stuff tonight. He didn't leave a will or anything, that's just the way he is. Or was. I don't even know how to refer to him anymore. She's really adamant that we don't just pack him up and shove him in the attic, though. Eh, tensions are running really high here.>.o;
It's horrible. Everything's horrible.

Thanks for everything, guys. <3 I might not be back on for a while, but I'll stay on for just a bit longer today. It means so much to me, everything you've said about Derek, and all your support.



I love you, my Derry.

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason.

So much of me is made of what I learned from you.

You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."