For some odd reason, whenever the 17th rolls around, things become rather dreary and odd. I get more punctual and annnoyed far too easily. This week has been a struggle to say teh least.
I find myself taking out that picture..crying.. wondering where he is and if he's ok. 220 miles between us and not a sole to help me through my times. Only Zach really understands how I feel... not even Joe understands. I'm afraid for Joe to understand, actually. I don't know quite how to handle it either. I know in my heart that if I were in VA, I couldn't hold that promise I made to Joe if I saw Chris again. It shames me to say that, but I know that deep down, it's what would happen. The spark would ignite and fuel the wheels that would turn and eventually... click! It'd be Lala land again and I'd be begging for mercy at his feet and showering him with kisses and tears of joy. I knwo what would happen if I saw Chris again. cry
I do care for Joe.. and I only want him to be happy.. but the past 17th has not only made me moody, but him. It's like he's inconsolable soemtimes. Inf act, he does it more and more now that I think about it. He just shuts down and seems to give up any signs of life. He's done it ever since about 7 months ago. I wnt him to be happy. I wnat him to also know that, no matter how hard I try or he pushes or distracts me, I keep drifting to Chris. I can't help it. >.<
I need some sleep.. I don't feel so good...
haloisbymyhorns · Thu Oct 19, 2006 @ 01:44am · 0 Comments |