• A/N: Hi there, I came on the idea for this fan fiction when I found some of my Dutch fictions while cleaning my room. So I rewrote it in English. This story is a Harry/Draco fiction and the fiction has 2 parts. The first part is trough the eyes of Harry the other part is trough Draco’s eyes. I hope you’ll all enjoy this fiction and please review.

    I thank Phoenix Aria aka Star for editing my story. She’s the best! ^__^

    Why now?


    A hard cold wind causes that all warmth disappears from my body. It is already quite cold for the month of September. Here and there are people with a nice warm muffler already.

    I walk along half empty shops and enjoy the silence around me. At last my life has found a grip. No cheap gossips or rumours anymore.

    Since my school ended 3 years ago, my life had totally changed. After my atrocious and now still painful confrontation with the person who ruined my life I realised that I had nothing left living for. I still have my 2 wonderful friends; my passion for Quidditch and the millions of offered contracts from the Ministry. I still had the feeling that my life had become useless, as if the large black hole, which had arisen since the death of Sirius, had become bigger and bigger.

    The death of Sirius is and remains a painful subject where I can talk about it with the one concerned person. And actually, that one person ensured that my life got sense again, that the large black hole didn’t try to drag me into the depth. I had given that one person my heart in the hope that it would be safe and never become broken again.

    My treads become wider and my footsteps resound on the dull hard stones. I look around, searching for the right pub. I carefully rub the small black box that is deeply hidden in the pocket of my coat. On this cold day a new beginning would start. Without a doubt.


    Why should I be nervous? I’m only doing this because it is for the best... For the both of us. Then why does it feel so bad, as if my stomach has turned inside out?

    The door of this tent opens and a cold excursion blows entered which causes all the warmth to suddenly disappear from my body. But I still have not yet looked up.

    I stare in clear green eyes which have always looked, fortunately since our seventh year, given me courage and joy. I can hardly believe that someone can live without those eyes... Why now? Now that everything is coming back to place ever since the war ended and the victims which survived are picking up their lives again? Why now, now we just found our own place for the both of us? Why?

    He smiles at me and my face turns red like always. Slowly as if the time stands still over every second he walks to the dark corner where I’m hiding myself and sit on the chair compared with me. His cold hands searching mine softly caressing old cicatrices which have meant much to me a number of years ago. The gentle warm words press slowly to me and before I knew it he had replaced his chair for the small space in front of me on the ground. Sitting on one knee, holding my hand in his, gently rubbing the back of my hand. He obtains a small black holds box and opened him. A tear escaped and rolls down my cheek. Why? Why now? Without thinking I run away, knowing that I will be followed. Knowing that I no longer can manage the truth.

    I look around and stand still, his pale and concerned face is breaking my heart. But it is now or never. In vain I search for gentle words, none could better describe what I feel. “Harry..” My voice makes me realise that I have never felt this way in my life before. Why? “Harry I... Can’t do this anymore.” Why now? “I don’t love you anymore...” Tears breaking free, by the both of us.

    His last and only words which I can clearly break away from the rest of the mob have been confused and sad “Why?” A question which I cannot answer myself. Not now, not tomorrow not ever. I leave him behind me, as well as my past and my hope for the future. I escape for which I was frightened that I would escape for.

    Why? Why now?

    A/N: I have plans for this one to make it even longer. So any good ideas? Let me know.