The Demon Girl

• Artist: iPandaChan99
• Description: This is the intro of my story. This is my first submission, so please comment fairly.
• Date: 03/29/2009
• Tags: demon girl

Intro:
I started walking it on the soggy and dark fog. I couldn't see much until i saw a shadow. I couldn't tell if was a male or female, i didn't know what to call it. As the shadow came closer, i saw its bright blackish-red eyes and "it" started growling. i went backward and fell. "It" went closer and closer. I found out it was a male. His nails were as sharp as a blade. He was about one feet in front of me.
" Hinamori....." he said in a quiet voice.
What the heck?! How could he know my name? He used his sharp nails and cut me. He lifted his arm to make a harder attack. I looked at him and closed my eyes.

Comments

[Z E T H I E K A]

Meh... could be better! BUt it was good!

[Kansas_In_Blood]

Fairly good intro. There were some grammar mistakes but those could be fixed easily. It's actually quite interesting. Kinda leaves you hanging at the end there and you want more. For a first time intro, I'd give it a 4/5. Good job. Keep practicing and you'll get better. You should finish it and post it on here.

[BatManAndMaryJane]

...What happened? Some shadow attacked a girl? Try to be more descrptive. 3 for the effort

[jake91984334]

not to bad 4 a intro

you should make it longer though