• i sat there... helpless... knowing i couldnt do anything to help my self or to change what ive done.regret. its the first thing to pop into my head. the feeling that follow are pain, and anger.anger that i let her effect me in this way to this point. anger that it all ever happend at all.

    one month ago
    me and marina sta there getting the cans out of the bag. we were doing another mural on the dam. it wasnt legal but the cops didnt care as long as it was only on the dam. we did a mural of two ghost becoming one with a half of of a broken heart in each one comeing togeather to make a renewd love sceen. i could honestly said i loved her. we had gone threw some of the same things. we finish the piece and threw the used cans away, and took a picture of the new piece. we added to our book of murals we did togeather.

    almost a month later it happend.......the cops was at my door. there were two of them... this wasnt good. my stomach turned... "are you nick?" yes" a silent pause
    .......you know marina?
    my heart raced was she ok? what happend?
    were sorry to say that she was killed in a car accident. her and her husband were hit by a semi truck. they were both drunk when it happen.
    my heart sank... husband? i was her boyfriend. she was cheating on me. a mixture of anger and sadness swept thre my body..
    we are truely sorry.then they left
    i slamed the door. i threw everything i saw. how could she. i threm my fist threw the t.v. i felt blood but not pain, i punched the cement walls. i ******** hate her, him and life.
    . love was a lie. a joke we use to amuse ourselves with an excuse we use to stay alive. and know i could care less. i began to calm myself down. i was the book. i grabed it. i ran to the car and drove to the dam. i redid the piece. furious i didnt even know what i was drawing. i ran out of paint. my body shook. i looked in the bag. i saw the razor blade. i smiled. grabed it and ran it across both of my wrists..... everything became ******** love" spewed out of my mouth as i left the world....


    i felt warmth. a bright light shown in my face. i heard people. was i in hell?heaven??he has a pulse. no. i didnt do it right. i was alieve. denied by both god and satan. left to deal with life. i opened my eyes and saw a doctor. and a nurse.
    "congradualtions you didnt die."
    "gee thanks". another thing i suck at
    they moved me into the room. the nurse sat by my bed. the doctor walked in. "you should thank this nice young lady"
    "why? she just did her job. shes a nurse"
    no shes not. she found you at the dam. passed out with a mural of two souls breaking apart, and crying. she saved you"
    i sat there and i stared at her. "why? why didnt you leave me ther? why didnt you let me die like i wanted?"
    she pulled down her mask.and said"no matter what happens noone deserves to die by their own hand. especially not for a broken heart"
    i sat there and felt regret. i should have done it at my house. i should have slit my wrists on my coutch. not letting anyone know intell the rent was late and the land lord saw me decaying on the coutch.i was angry angry that she found e angry that i couldnt even do my own suicide right> she grabed the book froma a bag.
    "is this yours?"
    yes
    "its wonderful art. who ever helped you has great talent. if this is the one who died you should keep it. to keep there memery you know?"she put it on my bed
    i threw it
    "******** her. and ******** you!: i got up and left. i got in my car and drove off. tears ran down my face. i floored the car heard a crack and everything went blank... i was in a cold dark place. i could hear my own thoughts. i was....dead. and i was not happy. but i felt better than when i was alieve. i was.........................................................