• Hello there! I hope you really have a fun time cleaning my house. Sorry I'm not here, I have a real job (just kidding). But seriously, I will be away for a business meeting, so I need you to leave my house sparkling clean. I find a single dust spot, I will choke you (again just kidding). Please don't take any of my food, or my jewelry. And certainly not my chihuahua dog, Godzilla. These things are dear to me (especially the twinkies hidden behind my freezer). Okay? And also if you are going to bring your own food and snacks (since you're mexican, you're tacos and salsa), clean up after yourself. I know I probably shouldn't tell you that, since you are "The Cleaning Lady," but just to let you know, because I am sort of a germaphobic...so be careful. If not I will end you (not kidding).

    So it's simple; clean the kitchen, my bedroom, the living room, the bathroom (which you might need to unclog since I ate a giant burrito the day before...seriously, how can you people eat this stuff?) I suggest you plug up your nose, and hold your breath while cleaning as much as you can, then go outside and exhale. Repeat. Remember: SPOTLESS.

    Now one last thing, and this is the most important. I want you to go to my tool shed ( I left a key for you). Open it and look for all my used knifes, stilettos and drills (the ones that are stained red). I suggest you to use some ammonia to clean the red paint off. And also, it might also smell weird in there, so do this as fast as you can. Oh and I almost forgot, while your in the tool shed, polish my human skulls (They're a little dusty) and please don't touch my collection of fake severed fingers and rubber eye balls. There are also some white, sticky stains on a realistic model of a human severed foot, please clean them off. (That's also probably why it smells bad). Thanks.

    Well, that's about it! And I hope you can understand what this letter is saying, because it when I spoke to you on the phone, the only real English word you ever said was "yes". Again thank you Maria, and good luck! You'll need it.