I would have to say the month if October and that’s all I know really. Once you get into my shoes you never really pay any attention to what the day is, there is a lot more going on in your life to think about it. So, I’ve been going through a lot in my life, I don’t t talk as much as I use too and I hate being around a lot of people. This is my life before getting sent to that wonderful place.
“Hello, my name is Allie,” I read this off a piece of paper in my mind. I haven’t talked in a long time; I can’t even remember what my voice sounds like anymore. “I’m fifteen years old-” My thoughts are directed to something else now. The paper that was in my hands is now lying down on my bed. I stand up from the place I was sitting and walk over to the window in my room. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only person alive or the only one that lives in this house. My dad is always at work since he travels a lot and my mom is always at some party getting drunk out of her mind. I don’t have any brothers or sisters and I’ve never met any of my other family members. Well, I may have but it was probably a long time ago while I was little. So, most of the time I just sit around the house or in my room listening to the noises the house makes.
After staring at the darkness outside I decide to go into the living room and watch some TV. I open my door a little and listen to see if anyone was home. No sound. I walk out my room now towards the stairs and walk down them. The stairs are covered in white carpet; pure white kind of like snow. Reminds me how it very snows around here and the closest thing to snow is iced up things in winter. I watch each step as I walk down once I get the bottom I walk towards the couch and allow myself to sink into the white leather couch; it makes a noise, scares me for a second. I hate when something makes a sudden noise it scares me a lot. I grab the remote and press the red button which makes the TV come alive. The first thing I do is change the channel to some crime show. For some reason, I love watching crime shows since I know that the bad guy will always get caught.
Another noise is heard over the sounds of the TV; it’s my mom and she has a couple of other people with her. I try my hardest to get off the couch and run back towards the stairs, but before I get there I’m suddenly stopped by the sound of my name.
“Allie!” my mom yells out my name in some weird voice which means I know she’s wasted.
I still don’t move.
“So, you’re just going to ignore me like you do everyone else? Well, whatever then, get to your room! Now!!”
I can feel the blood in my body turn hotter as she yelled. I don’t like when people yell at me or anyone. I run up the stairs and into my room. My room is located at the far end of the left side of the hallway. I slam the door to my room and sit down leaning my back against the door curled up into a small ball. I just wanted to pick up it up and do it, but for some reason I just couldn’t get myself to do it that hour. I stared at the sharp object for hours feeling my blood only getting hotter as each second went by. Instead of picking up the object I just closed my eyes and laid my head back down against the door. I needed to stop or soon I wouldn’t be able to control it anymore, I needed help, and wanted it but I couldn’t tell anyone. There had to be some way to get help, but I just don’t know anymore. I open my eyes and see the object, it’s calling me, “Come get me Allie, you know you want too. You won’t feel anything like always.” I couldn’t help it anymore I moved my hand over across the floor over to the silver thing. Once I had it in my grip I slid my index finger over the edge of the sharp object. Right then a little blood broke from my finger, it was perfect. Slowly the sharp edge went across my wrist. The blood came out, but I didn’t feel anything, like always. It was like I had feeling when it came to that. My only thought was just another mark, another scar. Sometimes I just couldn’t control it other times I could. The object fell from my hand and landed silently on the floor.
I sighed, got up, and went over to my bed. I stared down at the bright red scar like I did each time. Around the scar was even more lines; just things to remind me of the past. I’m sitting on my bed now I decide to lie down and get myself comfortable under the blankets. The ceiling is white and has lines going all around it; you can make different shapes and objects if you look at them long enough. My eyes begin to feel heavy like all the energy has been sucked right out of me. My eyes close and the world around me becomes black then quickly to more different colors. This is what happens every time I sleep the world becomes this place with many different colors. Rarely do I have a dream that actually contains real people with problems and whatnot.
Now the sun is coming through my window and hits my face. I would pull the blanket over my face it’s much to do right now. I still feel tired even after all that sleep, but I’m not surprised. The house is still quiet and it only makes me think that everyone is gone. I’m afraid to come out my room. What if she was there still? What if he was there? I don’t even want to think about what would happen. Most likely it was only my mom I would have to worry about. It’s 9AM. I need to hurry to school before I get any later. I’m always late for school since I can never remember to set my alarm on Sunday. I look around the room for some random pieces of clothing and grab some. Now; I’ve gotten on some normal blue jeans and a long sleeve white shirt. It’s winter. Good. I get to wear my long sleeves without people thinking I’m weird or something. But mostly in the summer I just wear a wristband or mini-sleeve things. I throw my light book-bag over my shoulders onto my back. I put the hand on the door knob and sit there still. Common, Allie, all you have to do is turn the knob, run down the stairs, and out the door you go. Yeah. That’s all there was to it. But when I think about it it’s harder than ever. Finally, I just turn the knob slowly and creep the door open without any noise. I walk out the room. The house is dark. No one is home. I got lucky this time. I walked down the white carpeted stairs and headed towards the door. Still nothing. I just walk right on out the door like nothing was wrong.
I have to walk all the way to school. It isn’t that bad since it feels like it’s about to freeze outside. Plus, the school isn’t that far away. It’s weird though since I’m the only one out I guess that’s what I get for being late. I just look around at all the things around me without really thinking about where I’m going. Before even know it I’ve missed a turn and I’m in some other part of the city. Good thing I know my way around. I make a couple of turns and suddenly end up right in front of the school. I don’t really know if I want to go or not since the thing last night, but I end up forcing myself up the stairs of the school into the building. I look at the closest clock I could see and it was already 10AM. Wow, it took me longer than I thought it would. Oh well, from the time I would say I’m in art class. So, I walk down the walls which no one seems to be in not even the hall monitors which I find to be a little bit odd but I don’t let it bother me. Finally, I’m in front of the art room. Do I really want to go in? I mean, if I go in that would mean everyone would be looking at me and I would have to explain why I was late. I’ll just wait until the next class. So, I got into the bathroom and wait for the bell to ring. There is all kinds of writing such as who is cheating on who, what happened at the latest party, who had the cops called on them, who likes the most popular girl, and who is the school slut. I read all of these things until sometime cuts off my train of thought. Someone has walked into the bathroom; I sit still now on a toilet, which I really hate since I find public bathrooms to be the worse. But right then I didn’t even care since the noise completely scared me. Yeah, when I get scared I sit still which makes me think that no one can see me and I’m invisible to the world. The bell rang and the other person in the bathroom walked out. I walk out the stall and into the hall. The halls are full of people going to their classes. I follow in the crowd and then turn into a class. Math. I hate math, it just never made any sense to me, but I’m always but into the highest class for my grade. I guess it’s because when I actually do pay attention I’m really good at it. Lately, I haven’t been paying any attention in my classes and some of my teachers have noticed.
I sit in the back of the room by a window. The teacher told us on the first day we could s**t anywhere we wanted too so I picked here. This is on of those days where I decide not to do anything besides watch the kids playing on the playground outside wishing my life was just as easy theirs. I went into a daydream now not even thinking about what the teacher was saying. I like my dream worlds, they are the places where I get can too without having to worrying anyone yelling at me or telling me what to do. I liked that, a lot. The teacher had been calling my name for the past five minutes now but I was too busy staring and wishing like I always do. I think he went on to the next person, but I didn’t really care. There was a kid outside who looked to be around five but she was very sad looking, kinda’ reminded me of myself when I was little. I hope that kid is just having a bad day. For a slit second I look over at the board the teacher is writing on. It’s a math problem, at least I think. Since I haven’t been really paying attention it looks like some other language I haven’t ever heard of. Since I didn’t really pay attention to the beginning of class it seemed pointless to start now. I just looked out the window again. The little girl from before was now playing with a lot of kids and smiling and laughing. I’m glad some found some kids to play with. Thinking about this made me smile only a little bit but not enough for anyone to notice, plus most of the kids were just paying attention to what the teacher was saying. Next thing I know everyone is getting their things together and the bell is ringing. I get my things together which isn’t much of anything and just place my bag over my shoulder right before I can walk out the door I hear my name being called, “Allie, we need to talk.” It’s the teacher. I turn around to and already I’m face to face with the teacher. It’s silence for a moment before I finally say something, “I’m sorry. . .”
“It’s okay, Allie. It’s just that if you keep this up I’ll have to talk to your parents.”
I nod but I’m not really paying much attention to what he is saying. I’m more into what he’s wearing which it seems like the same uniform he wears everyday, just different colors. It’s kind of weird how all the teachers seem to wear the usual “teacher wear” instead of things that younger people may wear. I guess it’s just something that teachers do, like a teacher code or something. I’d rather not think about something boring like that.
He is sitting down in his chair now. I guess that means he’s been done talking to me. I wonder what he was saying. Maybe something about calling my parents, well he’s not going to get anywhere like that way since no one is ever home besides me. But, I’ll just let him think he’s going to talk to one of my parents. I walk out the classroom and see that there isn’t really that many people in the hallway; I guess the one minute bell must have rang. Some kids are going to lunch others elsewhere and I’m going to be late for gym. So I just decide to go to lunch, skipping gym doesn’t hurt anyone really. It wasn’t my first time skipping either since I’m always late for that class either because I walk too slowly or I just don’t want to go. I walk into the cafeteria which is now full of kids talking loudly all at once. It kind of gave me a headache but I walked over the end talk where no one was sitting and sat alone. For some reason no one ever sits in that spot or at least when I’m there no one does. Most of the time I don’t eat anything unless I’m really hungry but even if I’m hungry I still don’t eat. This is one of those days where I’m really hungry but don’t even bother to get food for even sit up. I lay my head down onto the table and try to think about other things besides how loud the room is.
I closed my eyes my head down against the table. For some reason I thought this may help the horrible headache I had, but for reason it just only made it worse. So, I opened my eyes and lifted up my head to see that there were a couple of people looking at me. It didn’t bother me any since there was always someone looking at me. I sighed and just leaned back against the chair looking at the other side of the table, there was a group of people they all look happy and smiling. I wish I could be just as happy as them, lucky them. I look up at the ceiling now and it’s white. Why are most ceilings white? I guess they don’t want the ceiling to be good looking. I think it’s kind of weird how most of them are white. Why wouldn’t they just make the ceiling red? Or maybe even blue. Why not our school colors? Now that I think about it I don’t even know our school colors are and I’ve been here for two years now. This school sucks anyways everyone is mean but the teachers are okay I guess. They just want to help us so maybe we can actually get a good job besides living on the streets like a lot of people usual end up. I can hear the bell ringing but for some reason I can’t myself to move from my seat. I need to get up though I don’t want to be spending another class period in this lunchroom, it’s just way to annoying. Finally, I edge myself off the chair and into stand straight up. I’m off to study hall now where I can just sleep or do my work which I never really do in the first place. I keep walking with my head down towards the ground in the big crowd of people without even watching where I’m going. Next, I make a turn down this one hallway that always seems to have no one in it. It’s really quiet as I walk down the hall heading towards my class; I always take the longer way since I have nothing better to do and just don’t want to even go inside that classroom. Before I even know it I’m there and standing in front of the door. I can hear the minute bell ringing but it’s not that clear since the thoughts in my mind overpower it. I’m about to put my hand over the door knob but it flies open before I’m even able to open it. It’s the teacher standing there probably yelling at me for being late or not coming or something that doesn’t make any sense. But, I just walk on over to my seat which is in the far back in a corner and sit down while the teacher is just standing in the same spot.
For some reason I never really was able to remember that teachers name. It was probably because this is the most boring class around. Most of the time the only thing I do in here is sleep or maybe do the homework for some random class. I usually leave the homework for home so I can have at least one thing to do while I sit alone in my room. But today I feel like just sleeping the first half of class, I’ll spend the middle in third lunch. I lay my head down on the desk and my eye fall shut and I’m out. I’m now suddenly awaken by the sound of people moving and the bell ringing – great lunch time. I get slowly from my chair and follow the crowd of people who are heading to the same place. I walk into the lunch room and head towards the closest table that doesn’t have any people. For some reason doing that seems hard today so I just walk the other direction. I wonder around the room now and then into the halls, which are so empty and quiet. I didn’t know this school would be this calm or quiet since every where just always seemed to be so loud. I sighed softly now just thinking about what I was going to do the second half of my study hall. Ugh, I guess I could do my homework but then I couldn’t have anything to do at home when I sit in my room. I turn back around and start heading back towards the lunch room. I can smell the food and it seems like we are having popcorn chicken and mac & cheese. I sit down back in my same spot and look towards some other people at the table. There is also some weird green looking stuff and you could also get a baked potato with cheese and butter. Watching everyone eat was making me hungrier but I just didn’t feel like eating. I mean, I ate when ever I want too so I don’t have a problem, I keep my food in my stomach and I actually do eat a lot(whenever I wanted too). Suddenly, the bell rang once again, I guess it’s time for the second half of my study hall, I thought to myself.
I walked down the halls mixed in with this crowd of people. I hate being in crowds and if I was going to be in one I would rather be in the back so I can see everyone. I have this weird feeling when I’m in the lead of just in the middle somewhere, like someone is watching, staring at me. I start walking slower so I can get to the back of the group of kids, it seems harder since there seems to be more people grouping behind me and stopping. So, finally when I get to a place on the crowd I feel comfortable in, it’s gone and I’m getting close to my study hall class. I sigh softly knowing that I’m probably just gonna end up falling asleep in there anyways since I don’t feel like doing my work. Anyways, when is a day where a teenager likes doing his/hers homework? I dunno either; there is probably out there though who doesn’t mind doing all the work. After having this conversation with myself inside my mind I grip the door knob and turn it making the door open, I let go, head towards my desk, and sit down head down on the desk. The only thing I can think about is how much I really do hate this class; it’s pretty much pointless and just about the easiest class to skip. The only reason why I’m still in here is because I have no other place to go. I guess I could have gone down to the art room since that is my favorite place in this whole entire school. I love art; something about it makes me like I can open up to the paper and put my feelings into pictures that most people don’t even get. I’m just going to spend the rest of my day in the art room even though I don’t have it until the very end of the day. Now, I just have to figure out how to spend the rest of this class period. I have an idea; I’ll just go down to the library, since it’s not that far from the art room. I stand up from chair very quietly and pick up my things. While doing this no one has said anything or even looked this way, not even a teacher. So, I guess that means it’s easier to out this time, last time I wanted out the class I had to say something which I didn’t really like since, as you know, I really hate talking. I walked towards the days as quietly as I could and then slipped out behind the door. Wow, that was so easy not a single person knew I was gone, amazing if you ask me. So, I walk down these empty halls again for the second time. I have to remember how to get to the library since it’s actually been a while since I’ve last been down there. All I know is it’s somewhere near where all the freshmen have their classes. I walk down the hall that’s right beside the freshmen hall and find out I’ve made the right turn. I look at the sign that says “Library” and wonder how long it’s going to take me before I finally get the door open. My hand lies on the door knob as I turn it and nothing happens. It’s locked. Great, just my luck what am I suppose to do now. Then I remember that I can just down to the art room right now since there are no classes at this time for art. The lady down there is really nice and I’m able to talk to her for some weird reason. Even since I am able to talk to her doesn’t mean I tell her everything. She hardly knows anything about me just my name and how old I am, maybe a little more than that, but that’s basically it right now.
- Title: Part One.
- Artist: --the k i l l e r g r i n
This is something I've been working on for a couple of months now. Tell me if I should continue with it. Well, this is pretty much a story about a girl named Allie and the rest is for you to find out by reading.
Right right this is left unfinished, which really sucks. For some reason I can't think of anything else to put in it. But keep checking in every once in a while and there could be more. I'm hoping this will be the story that gets me famous one day.
- Date: 11/08/2008
- Tags: storyhardworkblaah