• I just found, in my kitchen fridge, a jar of “Bea’s Ho-Made Chopped Cherry Jam.” Where do I even begin with this? For one, what was apparently intended as an innocent, charming misspelling of “homemade” turned out to be, in essence, a massive FAIL. Also, what does “ho-made” even mean? I’m guessing it has something to do with Mistress Bea assigning each Nevadan hooker, in her respective off-time, the task of chopping cherries (a fantastic irony in and of itself) and creating, with them, a delectable jam, for sale in the brothel gift shop.

    Because, you know, whorehouses TOTALLY have those. It’s true; they’re right there, next to the condoms and penicillin. You just have to know where to look.