• I was just looking on the internet, to be honest I think I was looking for some sort of God-Site that would pat me on the back, tussle my hair and say: ‘don’t worry Thom she’s defiantly not pregnant you naive fool!’ But of course this is not what I found. What I did find was that the internet is no good at foretelling the future and if anything impacts how scary my situation is.
    It told me that I am not naïve, the guy who was scared his girlfriend was pregnant because she felt sick after they had sex, he was naive or the guy who said his girlfriend was one day off her period so she must be pregnant – he was naïve. Unfortunately, there is a huge difference between one day and fourteen. I’m praying that the pill has ******** up I am not prepared for a baby. What annoys me even more is that websites all make out that being pregnant is a good thing. ‘Congratulations go visit your GP for an appointment with the midwife.’ It’s like one of those people you meet at parties who assume way too much about you and all you want to do to them is punch them in the face.
    You may or may not have guessed from this, but I am not the stereotype for someone to be worrying about this. I’m 17, so teen pregnancy obviously applies to me, but y’know I’m not a chav, I don’t live on a council estate and as big headed as it sounds I’m intelligent you’d think I wouldn’t have been stupid to do this. All the warnings everything! I know and always knew pulling out was not an effective form of contraception, but I went ahead and did it anyway. I’ve never wanted to punch myself in the face before…
    This makes me seem selfish though, I mean, it’s all me, me, me. It’s quite disgusting really. All I do is moan and complain about how worried I am and she stays strong for me. She stays strong for me! I’m pathetic and she’s amazing, that’s how it is. I realised this when she was telling me about the pregnancy test. She said she was shaking, which hit me like a brick because I thought she wasn’t worried at all, but she was clearly bottling it in to please me! She doesn’t need that. She came back negative obviously but she may have taken it too early, so she is trying again in a few days time, to make sure. I mean can they really be 100% though? That’s when I’ll know for sure and be able to sleep easier.
    It’s challenged me a lot this, more than you’d think it would. I mean I was always one who was anti-abortion saying if you don’t want it you can always put it up for adoption. I guess in that sense I was naïve. It would screw up so much! I mean even if she had an abortion would it still be the same? Probably not. I know I’m not ready for a kid. I mean, I’m not emotionally ready. I couldn’t live knowing I had a child in the world I couldn’t look after. It kills me. I guess I should stop worrying, no good will come of it I’ll just have to wait and see how the test goes. Jesus, I’m scared.
    I know there’s a possibility I’m over reacting, there are many other reasons girls can miss their periods, but if I make it through this scotch-free I need something to remind me how I feel, these are important thoughts and I pray that if I repent which ever deity is out there will take pity on me, because I’m so very scared, for me and for her.