• It was a breezy summer day. My uncle, my grandfather, and my dad were all sitting at the rickety wooden picnic table in the front yard, radio crackling and drinks nearby as they told jokes and stories of long ago.

    I, on the other hand, was sitting in the kitchen with my aunt and my mom, listening to them talk about every day life over dinner. My aunt, it seemed, could just not avert from the topic of my grandmother, which was making my stomach twist every which way. It was touching, but it was distressing. Quietly excusing myself from the table I put away my plates and fled up to my room before I collapsed onto the bed, gritting my teeth and squinting, like you do when you don't want to cry but it seems impossible to stop.

    Standing up, I paced for a while and tried to avoid looking at the picture of the laughing, elderly woman that was on my nightstand, and I stood in front of the window so that the wind would dry my tears so I could return downstairs. When it finally worked, I came down the stairs and resumed my previous seat.

    "Being here with you guys," my aunt said promptly, "reminds me so much of when Elsa and I used to sit out on my front deck and talk."

    Ignoring my gnawing frustration, I looked at my Aunt Darlene. That made me even more frustrated. It was hard for me to think of her as an aunt. in my mind I called her my grandmother and I hated the thought that I was already replacing Elsa. I dismissed myself again and sat in the living room, watching the TV. An hour or so later I heard the front door open as my other family members came into the room.

    "Lynn, they're leaving." My mom called. "Come say goodbye."

    I returned to the kitchen and nearly ran into my Aunt Darlene. She smiled. "Oh, there you are, Lynn. Your uncle and I were just leaving. Can I have a hug?"

    So I hugged her. She took my hands then and looked at me. I was still, unsure what to do.

    "I was thinking about this a long time, Lynn." That was one of those tones that immedietly sets off a little nerve in your head. Like one of those tones that mean it's all business, like when parent's say, 'we're moving', or something along those lines. " I know it won't be the same," she continued, "but I could be your Grandma."

    I felt my jaw go slack. For the first time ever in my life I found myself speechless. Stepping forward, I could only hug her. I hoped it would be enough.