• tab Sweat ran across my brow, in anxiety of what Jake might say. Would he be mad at me? Or, would he be as excited as i am. Thoughts were endless of how the conversation would go, but there was one thing that I had to do before even bringing up the subject.
    tab My wet hands swept across my flowing dress, and i pushed my finger lightly into the doorbell. I waited in the breeze, thinking that i had finally took the first step, of course i hadn't even seen Jake yet, so the first step wasn't much of anything.
    tab "Hello?" Jake' mother opened the door, crying. Instantly i took her in my arms, hoping to put out some of her tears with the cloth at my shoulder.
    tab "What's wrong? What has happened?" I brought her back to face me in the eyes, trying to find the answer stored away. But all i saw were more and more tears flowing down her face. "Let's come inside, talk about what's wrong. Is Jake home?" I asked immediately, remembering why i was here. Jake had to be home, i wouldn't be able to wait ay longe to say it.
    tab The woman wept harder when i brought up her son's name. I had never seen her cry like this before, it was a no brainer. But now that she was, i could see how it effected the whole family. They were all walking zombies, no soul, no heart, just lifeless bodies that walked around the house.
    tab "He...he...he... he's not here, he won't come back, ever, forever." She shook me with her bony hands.
    tab "Why would you say that? Or, where did he go? Why isn't he able to come back home, this is his favorite place in the world. And he just stops loving it?" What she was saying made no sense to me. But, obviously, everyone else knew that it was the truth. Was my brain not accepting what she was trying to tell me? Or, was it that she was so sad that she either didn't know what she was saying to me?
    tab "Jake is dead!" She screamed it in both of my ears. Everyone around me looked up to their mother, tears staining their faces.
    tab How could that be? It's impossible! Why woud he die? How could he die? It just make no sense at all!" I finally knew why everyone was shutting down, turning everything off but the sprinklers in their eyes. My boyfriend had died, and there was nothing i could have done about it. It was impossible to trade my soul for his, suffer the worst just to have him back for one second. To hold him in my arms, kiss his lips and say goodbye. Never had i felt this way before. Okay, once, when both of my parents died, along with the secret that they had held with them.
    tab "He... he was in a car crash, with his oldest brother. His brother, Tony, lived, but he didn't. When questioned, Tony said that he wanted his brother to die, would give anything to do it repeatedly. He did it on purpose! And, now, two of my sons are going to die. That was the sentence, death." She put her hands up to her face and wept, again, and would never stop. I rubbed her back with my free hand. The other hand went to my stomach.
    tab "I came here to tell him something," I said through a lump in my throat. "And all of you to hear it. But can i tell you it through both of our tears, then the rest of the day can be silent, in the grief of Jake... and Tony."
    tab "Yes, sure, i have nothing else to lose, maybe something to gain, even though it won't make me feel any better about what is happening right now." She told me, holding onto the tears that were welling up in her eyes.
    tab "I'm pregnant, with his baby." The words came out of my mouth in a rush, hoping that she heard me, but still not sure i repeated the line. "I'm pregnant, with Jake's baby." Then, i wept along with her, not caring that i was snotting and that my voice had cracked when i told her the, now, burden that i would be carrying in my stomach for nine months.
    tab She reached for a box wrapped in velvet on the table. I sighed, more could be wrong with my already messed-up life. Her shaking hand passed the box to me; not waiting for me to grab it she dropped it into my lap. Some of my tears stained the green to make it darker, lie a metaphor for my life.
    tab "Open it, Jake wanted you to have it. He was actually going to give it to you before the accident." She wept silently, probably trying to make this all easier for me, even though she had been around him for so much longer.
    tab I slid my best nail between the lid and the bottom of the box, pulling down. When it opened, my eyes were blinded by a bright light. "Is this some sort of flash-light, because that isn't a very special gift." I tryed to joke to her, but she didn't even smile a bit. Sighing, i drew my eyes back toward the box, to find a single ring, diamond. It was cut in many diffrent places, making tlight flash around the room.
    tab "He was going to propose!" Jake's mother wept. That was the first time in my life i had lost everything, my parents in a car reck, my siblings, now Jake in a car reck. The only thing i had was my no-more-going-to-be-future-mother-in-law. All I wanted to do was take my pocketknife and slice into the flesh of my throat, so that i could see the ones true to my heart, again and forever.