Well, I've been back from my trip to Anime South for the last couple of days and since I don't have to work until 1pm, I figured I'd write an update to my life and tell you how everything went. The con, itself, was particularly good. It was smaller then last year, but defienatly had more quality. I got to hang out with alot fo friends that I hadn't seen in a while and that made me extremely happy mrgreen ! Plus, my G.F. (Hisui) was there and I spent most of the weekend with her which also made me very happy and the Improv. Comedy troupe (That we're apart of) blew people out of the water on this trip! It really went well for a convention 3nodding . From here, however, I have to also put in the downers... Well, There was only actually one:
So, it turns out that I've judged things to hastily between me and Hisui... And, I almost lost her this weekend. It's a very scary place I found myself... I'm not going to say alot about it here, but I've realized now that I've been taking all of this way to fast... Especially since we've only been able to be around each other a hand full of times and she's a very "in person" kind of Person when it comes to relationships. I am too. I guess, though, that I'm just able to find the quality in the quantity of time we've had together... Not that she hasn't, mind you.
Anyways, we're still together (which makes all the difference in the world to me) but, she requested and we've decided to take some time to figure things out and become better aquainted as friends before we take any larger steps forward in the relationship. Personally, I understand how she feels... Very much so. And, I love her so damn much that I don't want to lose her for nothing. So, I'm still going to hold onto her and my feelings for her, but I'm going to also wait on her because I don't want us to be on different pages. I'm going to be driving in Febuary, so that should help alot (seeing as one of the original and still prevailant complaints is that we haven't been around each other as much as we've needed to be).
I'm going to get driving and I'm going to start going down to Talahasse... Hopefully, on a weekly Basis. I want to get to know her and her family and her friends better and I want to bring her up here so she can meet my folks and get to know my own family better too. I really, deeply, and truly love her and want to gain and earn her love and trust as well. I know she really does care for me. It's just a confusing time in her life and I'm sure that her previous relationships haven't helped to make her feel safe at all. I don't want to be like them. I don't want her to worry that I won't be there for her; right beside her in every step of the way. I wish that there was a way that I could make this whole situation better and help her to clear the confusion and doubts from her mind. The best way I know how to do this, though, is by becoming a part of her life (as she wants me to) and showing her from there. And, I desperately want to do this.
So, this is my report from the con... It's the first month of the new year and we've been dating for 7 months now. However, I think I'm going to start again from square one. A new start... Just as soon as I can get myself driving. I know that there is hope for us and that we can make it together. I'm going to take things slower this year and I'm going to let her be the one to change the pace of the relationship. And, when she's ready, I'll be ready too. I just pray that God helps me and us both in this time to come. Help me to become a better man for her... The one of her dreams. The one in whom she can depend upon. It's everything I want for my future. All else pales in comparison and only serves to enhance my own dreams and goals.
I really hate country music, but there is a quote from a song I heard on the radio at work, yesterday, that I have to place down here to sum all of this up:
"I want to love you / Like Nobody's loved you / And I'll earn your trust by making memories of us."
I fully intend upon doing this. I love you, Hisui. Thank you for not giving up on us yet. I swear, things will get better and I'll be seeing you very, very soon. We'll figure it all out... You and I, together.
Sincerely yours, Now and Forever!
Jeshua A. Cook (Lynx Dragunhart)
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