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And when it all comes down to it - what the hell are we?
I don't even know where to begin.
How funny is it, that I reached out to you for you to save me.
but now it feels as if I'm saving you.

I've never felt the kind of love that I have for him, for anyone else.
Perhaps its not...Romantic?
But it feels like...Something almost more than romance.
Like a need for each other.

Is there even such a thing as a level above romantic feelings for someone?

I'm probably the only person who would EVER stick this out for so long.
Its such a mess at times.
But others its such bliss.
I don't know how to explain my reasoning.

I know I can't be like Kait and Bri.
With him.
Because I'm always going to chose him over a boyfriend. If I get one.
And that would NOT fly with any guy.
Connor gets so jealous too.
I have no romantic feelings for any guy anyway at the moment.
I really haven't in quite awhile.
Besides with connor.
Its so confusing.

Maybe we're just both struggling with that need to be face to face.
Its more of a struggle than most would think.
Being face to face and able to touch, then suddenly you can't and you don't know when the next time you can will be.
Its hard.

I'm probably going to complicate things when I go down there.
Because I know for a fact I'm going to tell you I love you.
Means more face to face.

How am I supposed to move along, when standing still tastes so sweet.
Its my choice in the end.
I'm just so afraid of losing him, and I don't know how I'd get over that.
The loss of my first love and my best friend.
I couldn't move on from that blow. I mean I could live.
I'd just be so bitter and live in the past.
It would haunt me.

So I'm fine with where we are.
We don't have to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend to be something special to each other, do we?
Why do we have to label things so much.
When I know whats there, and he knows, then its not such a big deal.


Maybe going at this all wrong.
All I know is I like where I am.
And I don't know what the future holds.
But I'm gonna go with the flow.