Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Well...I've been thinking tat my enteries don't really show and humn emotion...they sound robotic.... I guess its just me trying to keep myself safe.

"I was frantically looking for something.
It's okay to stumble, so go forward.
I know it's foolish, I just run on without regret.
The only one I can trust is myself, I didn't need friends.
The fangs I bared at anything and everything,
sexual stuff in adolescence is delicate and fleeting.
I wanna be strong, give me the strength to live on my own,
honestly, I was just scared of betrayal.
I knew that nothing would change if I kept running away
but I couldn't change myself.
The loneliness I prided myself on
was a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams.
The self assertion I prided myself on called 'RIOT',
there was no freedom, nothing beyond this light.
Teenage Bluely Days,
I was drowning in each rough new day.
Before I knew it I was shouldering such loneliness.
It was hard. To be honest,
I really didn't want to be on my own.

Since always pretending to be strong makes one forget one's true face.
It's important to occassionally loosen up and rely on others.
Hurt... When you want to cry, face the great big sky
and scream out in a loud voice.
That you want to forget yourself, so you can keep being who you are.
The encouraging voices of my father, my mother, and my friends
spurred on, even one so weak as myself, they gave me light.
The loneliness and pain of my youth that I prided myself on
were a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams.
If there's a freedom to be had in that clear blue sky
I wouldn't care if these wings I'm so proud of were torn off.
I began running, frantically aiming for the sky
I spread my wings and flew away, and the spot where I fell
was 'freedom'.
With a wonderful family, and wonderful friends
these were the best days of my life, if I'm reborn
let's meet again..."

Truthfully...I can relate to this song completely.... It's one of my favorites.... It's the translation of Miseinen by Gazette. It was kind of funny when I read these lyrics...I actually hated it slightly because it reminded me of me...and was running away again. But when I didn't pay attention, I'd find myself listening to the song and sometimes reading the lyrics...so I guess subconciously I started accepting it.... I probably sound sappy and all that, peopel might be thinking oh she's just a drama queen, well that's your choice.

Lately...I have't been in touch withone of my real good friends..she is one of my best friends..and for some reason I get the strange feeling she wants to stop being friends...I won't ask her face to face.... Maybe because of fear...? I really don't know.... I may accidentally slip it out...and my heart mat stop the moment it slips.... I don't want to loose her...she means to much to me lately. She doesn't call me naymore...and she seems kind of snappy with me...I really don't know what I did to her.... I guess time will tell....

On a happy note...I'm living and making new friends every where. I'm actually glad I joined gaia...I've met peopel who have the same interests as me! I've learned more and hopefully tehy will all stay as my friends...maybe someday we will meet in person.... That would be neat....

This is completely off the whole heartwarming/saddening topics above...
I AM BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sweatdrop
I had to get that out. I don't know what to do!!!!!!
And my quest aint going that well either!! Ah well, what can I do....
That's all really....
C-Ya later.