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average
was pretty good yesterday, then went a liiiiitttttle crazy on the cookies during the show.
i think i would've felt okay if i hadn't had the two or three afterwards but i have zero self control apparently. it was weird cause i didn't even really WANT them...
but i have a plan that i think is gonna work and it involves zero puking because as we all know, i lack the balls to purge hahah
today i've already had 55 calories: half a piece of toast and some chicken broth. if i could've freakin slept in till 10 like my plan was, i think i would've been okay.
in any case, i'm not gonna eat anything else today that wasn't GROWN. so no eggs, no chicken, no SUGAR...
i'll have me some grapefruit around 1030 or 11ish, then hop on mah bike at like noon to go to the show, unless dan agrees to drive my a** around. i'll take an orange and some "salad" and some water, also my gym clothes and binder and staff shirt and makeup.
if dan's agreed to drive today i'll call him after the matinee and we'll go to the gym. if i need to i'll shower there, then he'll take me back to the church and i'll do the evening show and eat NONE OF THE COOKIES because they are not natural and therefore they are off limits today.
maybe i'll take some whitestrips to put on during the show or something so i KNOW i won't eat.
then someone will pick me up when the nighttime show is over and i'll come home and "freshen up" and head to the maverick for some FUN with PEOPLE!!
aaannnnnnddddd tomorrow i have a matinee but not an evening show, so i'll figure that out. maybe i'll take mom to church, go do my thing, go to the gym...? or something. if not i'll get a ride and go to the gym at night. and i'll eat zero sugar/processed foods because i reeeallllyyyyy need to stop this "oh it's okay i can binge a little" mentality because it's all catching up to me and i actually ENJOY being able to see my chin and collarbones so that's just not acceptable now is it?
i might add more to this later, i dunno. i'm gonna go set some calories on fire.
i am 4reals batshit crazy lolol
EDIT:
haaaiiiii self i'm back hehehehe
i just wanted to say
i feel really energized and excited and happy now because i have a PLAAAANNNNN!
here's what imma eat today/already ate
1/2 a toast: 45
cup o chicken broth: 10
SO FAR: 55
Grapefruit: 35ish for a whole thing, i might just eat half which will be 17.5ish
Orange: 55ish
"Salad": 20
and i'll figure out something for dinner. maybe the 2nd half of the grapefruit if i don't eat it all this morning.
so for the day i'll be at:
165 wheeeeeeeee haha
maybe i'll have a full piece of toast with my morning grapefruit. that'll bring me to 255 for the day which is still good.
ooh i think mom went back to bed. now i really am gonna go out back and have some fire time.
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