• my life is so....well i dont really have a word for it so ill try to explain.
    i used to be so weird, i had strange habbits. like i tended to just blurt out what ever i wanted, and i thought i was so smart. i would argue when a the tiger at the zoo was tiberian or bangaled (forgive me for the spelling, try to sound it out) and i thought that i was just this amazing artist. my parents always told me whenever i showed them a painting or drawing they told me that it was beautiful...and i beleived them for the longest time untill i showed one to a classmate in 3rd grade and they laughed and said "why did you draw a giant lizzard?!" i liked dragons all through elementry and i always drew them and from that day on i didnt show any of my pictures. and over time i realised that nobody cares about my drawings, or me in general exept of course my parents. and in my life i have only really had 4 real good friends, the kind of friend that your always with, like a sister. i have had so many other people that i just hand out with, mostly because i just wanted to try to feel like im not alone. but no matter how many people i had around me i never felt whole. and thoughs 4 friends i had were the best people that ever came into my life, i remember my friend sara. me and her we were sisters, we were always together. behind her house somebody owned a horse stable and there were three horses A.J, Troubles, and Dinomight. and we would always go back there and feed the horses and pick black burrys from the bush by the fence. we would go and explore the forest and build forts. then her parent gots a divorse and i didnt see her for a whole year, then when i saw her again in Jr.High she was a total druggy and she didnt even pay attention to me. one day i bought her her favorite stawberry fruit snacks and whe i gave them to her she set them on the table and they ended up trampled on the ground. that was the day i realised that she wasnt a friend anymore, she was just another old memory, and she has long since dissapeired from my life. i guess i just keep hoping we could go back and feed the horses and explore the forests and eat the black berrys but i know that that will never happen again and thoughs care free days are long gone with the wind and i will never explore forests or have long conversations on how to save animals and i never have times like my childhood again. im only 14, i dont want to grow up, i would give anything just to have just one day of my childhood back, but thats one of the many things that i will never have. i guess my short life has just been full of too many hard realisations...