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Final Fantasy & Kingdom Hearts do Jerry Springer |
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Okay, because I'm really random and bored and no one will yell at me for stretching my journal... I've been doing a series of FF & KH interviews and posting them on a blooper thread. Thing is this one is too long to post there so I'm putting it here...
Special Long Interview! Guests: Riku, Kadaj, Shinra [X-2], Demyx, Rude, Reno, Sora, Zell, Bojangles [from The Green Mile], Jerry Springer [voice only], Freya, Kairi, Cloud, Selphie, Kuja
(Author’s Note: Some information about “Jerry Springer” may be a little off seeing as I do not actually watch the show. This started out as an interview with Riku and Kadaj and, just sort of, evolved…)
Kiriko: Hello, and welcome back! I am here with Riku and Kadaj. Riku, it’s nice to see you again.
Riku: Thank you, Kiriko; it’s good to be back.
Kiriko: Now, this is a personal question of mine, are the two of you related? Cause I swear, you could be friggin’ twins! …Except for the fact that Riku is smiling and Kadaj… Kadaj could you stop looking at me like that?
Kadaj: (smirks evilly) Like what?
Kiriko: Like you wanna kill me!
Kadaj: Where’s Mother?
Riku: Huh?
Kiriko: I don’t know where Jenova is…Just because my security officer is a Turk doesn’t mean I work for ShinRa… Now answer my question.
Kadaj: Anyone with Mother’s life force within them is my sibling…
Riku: What is your fixation with your damn mother?!
Kadaj: I won’t have you talking about Mother that way!!
Kadaj pulls out Souba and points it at Riku’s face.
Riku: (jumps back and pulls out his Keyblade) You wanna fight…?
Kiriko: (stands between the two) Guys! Please! This is an interview, not Jerry Springer!
Riku: (pushes himself in front of Kiriko) You shouldn’t get in the way, miss.
Riku and Kadaj then fight, after about ten seconds, “Jerry Springer” by “Weird Al” Yankovic starts playing. Kiriko, previously panicked, looks over at the sound booth where Shinra (X-2) and Demyx are laughing their asses off. Kiriko sweat drops as Rude and Reno come in. Rude comes up behind Riku and restrains him, Reno whacks Kadaj in the head with his electro rod, and Kadaj falls to the floor. All of a sudden out of nowhere, Sora is seen sitting in one of the chairs off the stage and trying not to laugh.
Riku: Sora! Help me out here!
Sora: Why? You seem to be handling yourself just fine!
Riku: Some friend YOU are!
Rude and Reno drag Kadaj off-stage.
Kiriko: (turns to Sora) Where’d you come from? Anyway, did you ever let Zell out of that closet?
Sora: (smirks) No…
A man yelling can be heard from another room. Seconds later, Zell comes running in, arms extended out towards Sora’s neck. For some reason, there is a small, gray mouse on his shoulder.
Zell: I’ll make you pay for locking me up like that!!
Zell tries to strangle Sora, who jumps out of the way.
Sora: What’s the problem, it’s not like I starved you. It was a janitor’s closet so there was water, and I gave you a couple Potions and Gyasahi Pickles…
Zell: Yeah! And those pickles stank up the whole damn place!
Zell then proceeds to cuddle with the mouse calling him “Bojangles”.
Riku: (sweat drops) Sora, please don’t tell me you gave Zell a Paopu Fruit!
Sora: (smirks) Okay, I won’t tell you… I put the mouse in there, too.
Kiriko: (on cell phone) Uh, yes, can you get me the number for Jerry Springer? I need some advise…
Freya then walks in, the second Zell sees Freya, he glomps her.
Jerry Springer: (voice, can be heard from Kiriko’s cell phone) They’re ACTUALLY fighting?! I can’t help you! My show is scripted!
Zell: (to Freya) You’re hot!
A “magical moment” like sound effect can be heard followed by Shinra and Demyx laughing.
Freya: (blushes) Zell… I didn’t know you cared…
Kiriko: (hangs up cell phone) Freya, what about Sir Fratley?
Freya: Who…?
Riku: (turns to Sora) Did you lock her in there too?
Sora: No. Maybe the Paopu Fruit mixed with the Gyasahi Pickles…
Kiriko: (sweat drops) …caused a strange anomaly that Zell’s destiny is now connected to all rodents, including Burmecians…
Riku: Never would’ve thought of that…
Freya leaves, tearful of having to separate from Zell.
Zell: (turns to Sora, acting as if Freya had never been there) The least you could’ve done is give me a hot dog!
Sora: God! What is your obsession with hot dogs?!
Kiriko: He wants to be an Oscar Mayer Weiner.
Sora & Riku: What?!
Demyx presses a button on the soundboard. Everyone hears the following on the speakers.
Kiriko: Just what is it with your fascination with hot dogs?
Zell: (sings) Ooh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner, that is what I truly wish to be… (End transmission)
Everyone turns to look at Zell.
Zell: …I’m leaving now!
Zell leaves.
Kiriko: (sits down) How did I get myself into this mess….?
Kairi walks in and approaches Sora and Riku.
Kairi: There you two are! If we don’t leave soon, we’re gonna be late for the party with Leon and the others!
Sora: (sits down next to Kiriko who seems to have given up) Tell them to come over here! This is more interesting!
Riku: Sora, I think YOU’RE the only one having FUN here… Look at the poor host, she’s crying!
Struggling noises can be heard from the next room as Kadaj comes running back in holding Souba ready for the attack and followed closely by Rude and Reno. Not watching where he’s going, Kadaj knocks Kairi down, Rude then stops to help her. Sora jumps up to help Kairi as well (now, is he actually concerned or just trying to score some points? ^u^). Meanwhile, Reno continues the chase. Kadaj then lunges at Riku. Out of nowhere, Cloud jumps in between Kadaj and Riku and blocks Kadaj’s attack. Not expecting to stop, Reno jerks and swings the arm holding his rod back. Meanwhile, Sora had gotten up to help Riku and was right behind Reno when this happened. This resulted in Reno hitting Sora in the nose and causing the boy to fall to the floor.
Sora: (clasping hands over his nose) OWWWW!!!
Rude: Yeah, hurts, doesn’t it?
Sora: Why you sonuva…
Sora tackles Reno and the two fight. Back to Kadaj, Cloud and Riku…
Kadaj: Big brother…
Cloud: I won’t have you harming innocents.
Kadaj: But, he insulted Mother…
Kiriko: (suddenly jumps up) This is MY show and I am STILL in control! (runs between the two fighting pairs of Kadaj & Cloud and Sora & Reno to the camera) We’ll be back right after these messages!
Selphie: (turns out she’s been the camera person this entire time) And we’re cut!
Kiriko turns around and goes up to Sora and Reno and pulls their weapons out of their hands. A white, glimmering light surrounds the Keyblade in Kiriko’s hand and disappears, seconds later it reappears in Sora’s. It then disappears from his hand. Kiriko then uses Reno’s rod to whack both of them in the head. The two wince in pain and sit on the floor.
Kiriko: Reno! Stop it! You’re a security officer! You’re supposed to STOP fights!
Reno: (points at Sora) He started it!
Sora crosses his arms and sticks out his tongue at Reno.
Kiriko: Grow up you two!
Kiriko then turns to Cloud and Kadaj who are still fighting and whacks Kadaj in the head. Not seen by Kiriko, Sora and Reno continue fighting.
Kiriko: (pointing the rod at Kadaj’s nose) And you! You were barred from the premises, if you’re not out of here in thirty seconds I’m having you admitted! I’m sure Dr. Cid and Aki Ross would LOVE to see what YOUR damage is!
Kadaj: I’m in the middle…
Kiriko sees Sora and Reno and decides she’s had it and grabs Sora and Kadaj by the collar and starts to drag them out of the studio.
Selphie: Okay we’re on in (holds up hand and counts off with her hand) five, four, three, two…
Selphie holds up her pointer finger to indicate “one” then holds up her thumb to indicate that they’re on. Kiriko then looks at the camera, sweat drops, drops Sora and Kadaj, and turns straight towards the camera.
Sora & Kadaj: Owwwww…
Kiriko: (clasps hands together, acting “Rikku” perky) Hi! Welcome back! Uh, um… (turns to Rude and Reno, in a hushed tone) Get Kadaj outta here and keep him out!
Rude and Reno grab Kadaj by the arms and drag him out, kicking and screaming.
Kairi: (off-stage, to Riku) We should probably get going…
Riku: Yeah, before Kadaj comes back and tries to kill me again and Sora gets himself REALLY hurt…
Riku grabs Sora, who has lost all will to resist anymore, by the hood of his jacket and drags him out following Kairi, leaving just Kiriko and Cloud in front of the camera.
Kiriko: …Hi…
Cloud: (grunts in response) Well, I should go make sure Rude and Reno deal with Kadaj accordingly…
Cloud leaves.
Kiriko: ………(in a hushed tone) Hey, Selphie! Is my next guest here yet?
Selphie: (pokes head out from behind camera) Thank God you finally need him! He’s been asking about my hair for the past twenty minutes!
Kuja then steps out from behind the camera.
 KirikoKid · Sat Sep 09, 2006 @ 08:13pm · 0 Comments |
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